by Christian Carter
Here’s a tip for how to get a man back to loving you:
Invite Love, Don’t Demand It
Have you felt hurt or angry at your man and found yourself saying a whole bunch of things that started with: “I need. I want. I deserve. You should. You need to. You’d better”?
If those phrases sound familiar to you, that’s because you were talking from the space of ENTITLEMENT.
Meaning, you felt like you were “entitled” or deserved to have your man do or say something to make you feel better about yourself or the relationship.
You can have very good reasons for feeling this way.
Maybe you feel like you’ve been doing all the WORK in the relationship, and all the sharing, while all he’s done is get distant or confuse you with what he says and does.
Maybe you’ve been doing your best to make him happy and you’ve been withholding how you REALLY feel because you don’t want to hurt him or start a fight.
So you feel stifled and powerless in the relationship.
After doing that sort of thing long enough, it’s no wonder you feel like you DESERVE and NEED to get the love, respect and consideration back that you’ve put in.
And yeah, you do deserve all those things.
It doesn’t make much sense to you that he doesn’t see or realize how hard you’ve been working to make things right between you.
But in a man’s mind, when he sees you shutting down, pushing him away, and then he hears you telling him how he needs to be doing this, or how he’d better do that, it doesn’t make much sense to him, either.
When you’re feeling hurt and start telling him, “You should” or “You really need to”, you’ll likely not get the kind of reaction you’re expecting.
Instead of seeing how you feel, a man will simply SHUT DOWN and back even further away from you.
A man has to have HIS OWN REASONS for wanting to do all the things that make you happy and keep your relationship strong.
You can never, ever, ever tell a man how to feel or act – just as a man should never do this with you.
But you can INSPIRE a man, and you can share what it is that you like, love and want.
And therein lies the secret of having a relationship where the man in your life is irresistibly attracted and devoted to you.
Fortunately, there’s a way to ask for what you need that will have him WANTING to give you more.
This way is not about ENTITLEMENT, blaming or demands…
But by INVITING him, by opening up and making it very easy for him to give you want you want. (Men love nothing more than feeling like it’s easy for them to make you happy as a woman – but only when they feel like it’s THEIR CHOICE.)
Wow. Sounds complicated and like it’s too much work.
It’s dumb-easy once you know how.
You can start to create these powerful shifts in the way your man responds to you simply by changing the way you phrase things.
Instead of saying, “I need you to…”
You can say, “It would really make me feel loved if you were to…”
I can’t tell you how much most women resist doing this because they think it’s silly. But when they finally speak the words, they work like MAGIC.
Instead of telling him, “You should really need to (do this or that)”…
You can invite him by saying, “It would really make me happy if you would (doing this or that).”
It doesn’t take much to shift your energy and become more inviting, and therefore, INSPIRE your man to want to give you more of what you want and need.
If you’re not convinced, think back to a time when you felt hurt or angry and you closed off to your man. You blamed him. You didn’t talk to him for hours or days. You criticized and demanded.
How did he respond?
Did he become more generous and tender with you?
Or did he become defensive or distant?
I think you’ll realize that the energy you bring to your relationship has a HUGE effect on what you get out of it.
In order to turn a troubled relationship around, chances are you need to get back to the relaxed, feminine woman you used to be before things got really tense and draining between you.
Problems in relationships tend to accumulate over time and build up a lot of fear, anger or resentment in people.
One of the reasons it can seem so difficult to move forward and get through the hard times is because of all that built-up fear and negative emotion.
Getting back to the “real you” and getting back in touch with the relaxed, feminine woman you used to be is very important.
How do I know?
Because the most common realization I hear women have when they break up a relationship that wasn’t working is that they LOST THEMSELVES.
They didn’t consciously choose to ignore their own needs and desires.
It usually happens because the woman is so focused on trying to make her relationship work, or because she’s so devoted to her man that she virtually IGNORES other aspects of her life.
Like her friends.
Or the activities she used to enjoy when she was single.
Or the way she looks and feels.
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.
From Sarah: Christian is one of my favorite “attraction” experts, because he combines some great insight with some really practical and applicable ideas. His masculine viewpoint is unique, kind, right-on and so helpful. Visit his website and let him fill your life with love and attraction–>>