In the modern day, we tend to think that a “healthy relationship” is a relationship defined by equality, where each partner does 50% of the work. This means 50% of the emotional as well as physical work. It’s like applying the common expression “I’ll meet you halfway” to marriage. But, we all hear complaints all the time from people who think their partner isn’t doing enough, isn’t really pulling their fair share.
Who Decided A Healthy Relationship Is a 50-50 Proposition?
Some of us are natural givers and some of us aren’t. In every realm – politics, business and personal, there are people ready to work harder or hardly at all, people with sensitive emotions and those who are a little more weathered.
You’re asking for disappointment if you go into a relationship expecting everything to be split evenly. Sure, in a healthy relationship a certain equality will probably work itself out over time, taking all your ups and downs, giving and taking into account. But at any one point, the odds are one of you is giving more while the other goes through a period in which they need to take more.
When you head into a relationship, you and your partner need to be ready for 100% commitment. That will keep you from being disappointed or feeling cheated when one of you needs a little more attention at certain times. In a healthy relationship, where you’re prepared to be 100% invested, the long-term average will work out to be somewhere near the middle. It’ll probably never be exactly 50-50 but somewhere in the broad bell curve of averages: 30% to 70%. At different times, the equation adjusts as careers, children, and other responsibilities change.
And when you’re the one giving 70%, remember you went in prepared to give 100%. So you are better off than you expected in your healthy relationship.
Approaching your relationship this way will remind you of how much support you are getting, rather than focusing on how much you think you’re lacking.
The Foundation of a Healthy Relationship
Enter your relationship expecting to be the sole bread-winner or the only one to clean the house and parent the children. Then you’ll feel a lift every time your partner does anything, earning a little cash or doing the dishes. If you’re the one handling all the mutual social engagements, then you will find satisfaction even if your partner’s contribution is limited to showing up.
And remember even the smallest or rarest praise and support from your spouse is more than you would have without them, more than you expected with your 100% commitment.
I know you need to feel loved and cherished, so do we all. And we need to love and cherish others as well. But don’t harbor resentment if you feel you give more than you get. We are all made with different capacities and strengths, which vary also with circumstances,
If you use this 100% commitment idea when considering your relationship, you can transform the resentments you’ve had tearing at you and your loved one into deep satisfaction. And this satisfaction will foster a healthy relationship with affection, positive support, and mutual respect.
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