Relationship Help Lies Within These 4 Lifestyle Traits

How someone perceives themselves to be, what they like for entertainment, their preferences in music or favorite food can have real value. However valuable those facts may be, they are the frosting. First you need the cake. The cake is the long-term life style traits that support your emotional well being and which must survive the attraction phase for the frosting to have value. Only MatchMatrix can identify the four primary emotional alignments you share with another person.

There are four pairs of Lifestyle Traits, that support a long-lasting relationship. Each of us has one trait from each pair that is part of our relationship map. The four pairs are Communication Style, Activity Level, Financial Logic and Sexual Response.

Good communication is the foundation for long-term successful relationships. Verbal communication as reflected in the two MatchMatrix talking styles is an important tool for people to get to know each other, to feel a connection of friendship or intimacy and is highly desirable for working out problems and misunderstandings. The MatchMatrix communication Lifestyle Trait describes how a person uses words to express themselves. There are two styles of communication, Emotional talking style and Logical talking style.

People with the Emotional talking style use words to express their own feelings and what they feel from another person. This talking style use a stream of consciousness to express and release emotional states. Feelings guide this talking style. While these people may be logical in their mental processes to do a job or to function in the world, their Emotional talking style will determine how they connect with another person in a close relationship. Having the same style of communication in a relationship provides an important tool for working out personality differences.

People with Logical talking style use words according to their dictionary definitions. They lay the words out like they are building a brick wall. They ask many questions to make sure they understand so there are no holes in the wall. They don’t like loose ends or assumptions. The background or circumstances of a situation can be as important as the event itself to the logical talking style person. They are natural born problem solvers and often have good mechanical skills. The logical talking style relates only to how a person uses words to communicate. These people may have an emotional or sensitive nature but that is a different consideration from their talking style. It is most desirable that people share the same style of communication in a relationship.

Activity level is the speed at which people run their lives. This applies to the speed and intensity of their physical activities. It also reflects a dimension of their mental processes. The two groups are Super active and Moderate active. You are compatible with someone who runs at the same speed. Knowing their activity level will promote your understanding of intimate partners, children and future relationships.

Moderate Active people typically live a balanced lifestyle. They can handle lots of activities like a sprinter in a race, then they take a break to enjoy a more relaxed lifestyle.

Super Active people seem to have an endless supply of energy. They enjoy intense mental and physical stimulation and can handle many different kinds of projects. It seems they never need to take a break. Their mind never stops going, even when they are resting.They are natural born risk takers. People who are both Super Active and the Mental/Emotional sexual type run at the highest speed. They like their high-speed style and need someone who can run at the same speed to share it.

Financial logic identifies a person’s attitude towards money and how they manage money. The two types of Financial logic are Conservative and Non-Conservative.

Conservative people usually have good financial logic. Money is a primary focus in their lives because it represents security. They are frugal and typically good money managers. They plan for their security to avoid being pushed into a financial bind. They may prefer to pay cash and try to manage their credit cards to avoid being overextended. They often have funds to take them through the hard times. Money and security is an ongoing focus for the Conservatives and causes great stress for them when it is not available. Financial issues can be a source of friction when people do not have the same financial logic.

Non-Conservative people are comfortable spending money and often have an innate ability to earn it. They typically have less of a focus on money than the Conservative types which allows them to live a more spontaneous lifestyle. The Non-conservative people may learn how to earn and manage money from their parents, by education or functioning in the world. This paragraph, however, describes their innate financial logic. Without the educational benefit from an outside source, the Non-conservative types may have weak financial logic and have trouble handling money. They’ll often draw the line lower in their checkbook than the Conservative types and may over extend themselves. Many live on the financial edge. Some work hard and have little to show for it.

People express themselves in one of two Sexual Response types, either Physical Sexual Response or Mental/Emotional Sexual Response. The unique differences of the two types are called out below.

Those with the Physical Sexual Response are always open to being touched and stroked. This group gives high priority to the physical act of sex, and they hold a special reserve of energy that is an emotional dimension of their personality. That special reserve of energy is accessed only during sexual union. The key to accessing the energy is the presence of a matching vibration from a person with the same sexual response. Such an alignment provides a unique intensity taking sexual partners beyond their physical connection to an experience of deep emotional fulfillment.

For the Physical Sexual Response person, dating and the pleasures of romance are all directed toward making a physical connection as the way to liberate their reserve and fulfill their emotional needs. They like long-term, consistent cuddling and sleep like two spoons. Sex is recreational bonding. Men are often thought of as physical sexual types. In fact, there are an equal number of women with this Sexual Response Type.

Those with Mental/Emotional Sexual Response experience sexual interest like waves on the ocean, rising and falling, sometimes unpredictably. This sexual response type desires words and acknowledgement, romance, mental imagery and emotional support to create the strong feelings leading to sex. That feeling is their security in the relationship and is a primary component of their sexual fulfillment.

The physical act of sex can be intense and very enjoyable but it is more circumstantial for the Mental/Emotional type than for the Physical type. Energetically, the Menta/Emotional type holds no physical reserve for sex. That means all of their energy is always available for everyday living. They connect intimately through their personas with everyone all the time. The sexual energy of the Mental/Emotional person is always present and may be misinterpreted as a come-on by the Physical type person. Women are often characterized as Mental/Emotional types. In fact, there are an equal number of men with this Sexual Response Type.

Note for both Sexual Response Types:

People can certainly enjoy the physical act of making love even if they have different sexual responses. But, the different emotional needs of the two types determine their long-term sexual fulfillment. When a couple doesn’t share the same sexual response type the Physical person will eventually feel emotionally incomplete. In the same way, the Mental/Emotional type will know that they are not receiving the special quality of contact and imaging that is necessary to meet their emotional needs.


  1. CindiLou on December 16, 2008 at 7:22 pm

    Wow, I never heard about these four Lifestyle Traits before. It is so logical and it makes complete sense. When I was younger, I would never have understood the importance of compatibility in these areas. But as I grow older, I realize how important compatibility is. A lot of my friends got married young, and sadly, many are now divorced. And it usually comes down to not being compatible but not knowing how important that was when they first hooked up. It’s harder to analyze a relationship when you’re very young. I am going to have some of my friends read this, those who are trying to figure out if they should stick with the man they have, or go fish! Great article!

  2. Nedra on January 7, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    It’s interesting to see relationships broken down into these areas. This was helpful as a starting place. However, I find the emphasis on binary oppositions a bit lacking. Most people are not just one thing or another, but lie somewhere along a continuum. Still, if I add a nuanced approach to my interpretation, I think this could be helpful, at least as a subject of discussion with my partner! Thanks.

  3. Jamie on January 8, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    Makes me think about my current relationship of many years. In some ways we match very well. In other ways we don’t match up at first and then after communicating and giving it some time, we can match one another. This article is good and gets you to start thinking and analyzing your relationship. Great jumping off point for a discussion with your mate.

  4. Ashley on January 10, 2009 at 3:55 am

    I, also, have never heard of these four lifestyle traits, and now that I think about it, they do actually make complete sense, like someone else has said. I feel like we focus these days on the short term traits, not the ones listed here. I have to admit, I will definitely be looking for these traits in the men I date from here on out. This article, for me, was kind of like a guide on what I need to look for. A few of my friends have also married young, and it worries me. Most of them are having troubles because they rushed into marriage way too quickly. I only wish they had had the chance to read this article before hand. Very thought provoking and motivating. Thank you!

  5. Sara on January 12, 2009 at 9:13 am

    This article is great. I think it is incredibly important to look at all aspects of compatibility, not just the first match (personality, looks, etc) and evaluate all aspects of a person. This article does a great job of deeply analyzing each lifestyle trait and providing great analysis for what it actually takes to be compatible.

  6. Robyn Johnson on January 14, 2009 at 3:41 am

    I believe these 4 important traits are definitly right on target. Marriages have a 1 in 2 chance of ending, and if more people paid attention to articles and information like this one, then that might not be the case. I will definitly take this into consideration, and I hope others around me will do the same. Marriage is a sacred bond between two people and it should become a bigger priority in peoples lives.

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