Thinking about moving in with him?

By Megan Weks

Making the next big step in the relationship!

Before you move in with him, consider this:

  • Rent is expensive and you’d LOVE to share it with him.
  • You’re sick of living out of a suitcase every weekend when you’re at his house.
  • You’re practically there all the time.
  • His dog is starting to call you “Mom.”

Is it time to move in?

Think about this from a Man’s perspective.

What generally is a man seeking out of a relationship with you? Warmth. Encouragement. Admiration. Love. Sex.

He gets it all nearly all of the time when you move in with him.

We have all heard the old adage, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Well, it’s something to seriously consider when you are looking to move in with him.

When the conversation of moving in arises, it’s an opportunity. It’s your chance to create a moment to have a man face some real-life questions.

Basically, what are his intentions here?

Otherwise, I guarantee it’s not on the top of his mind.

He is probably focused on his career or other important things like his fantasy league or latest fall micro-brew. He’s not going to be sitting there thinking about his intentions with you. It may not cross his mind at all how this move could benefit you or not benefit you a year later when he’s about ready to pick his fantasy team, again…

Use this moment to discuss intentions rather than going with the flow or “hoping.”

A tactic I see women using all the time. I also see it blowing up in their face where it’s a year later, they are a year older, and they have nothing more but a year more of memories with a dude who just “wasn’t ready” for what she wanted.

Now realize I don’t know you or your relationship so I’m simply asking you to consider this before proceeding.

If you’re looking for a formal commitment to A.K. A. engagement or marriage, don’t allow a man to have you in his place all cozy while he decides what he wants to do with you.

He gets to play house. He gets to have it all. You can spend plenty of time together to experience what living with one another might be like. You don’t have to actually take that plunge to learn what you need to learn.

Here is another thinking point.

Are you considering moving in because it’s an inconvenience to you?

You’re tired of going back and forth. You’re tired of living out of a bag when you’re at his place? Why is it that we women tend to travel to the man’s house? Why are we spending more time over there rather than him spending time at our place?

I’ve heard answers of many reasons to this question. He doesn’t have a roommate and you do. He has a bigger bed, a bigger place or better TV. I’ve heard that the man isn’t comfortable there and can’t sleep well over at your place, and many more excuses.

Sometimes it starts to feel like a girlfriend delivery service.

You’re so cozy at this point, he barely has to take you out anymore on dates. I’ve seen men stay in relationships for years because they have all that they need but they also don’t intend on proceeding with a formal commitment. After seven years, you move out and he marries the next woman who comes along who he dated for seven months! I’m pretty sure we have all heard some version of a similar story.

I see way too many women jumping through hoops to be the girlfriend.

Let him jump through hoops to have you in his life at all. Did you know that a man will appreciate you about 100 times or more if you are very certain in your value and your deservingness to be appreciated?

Women are so afraid to lose a man that they seem to hardly take this approach of making him work hard to have her in his life. A man wants to do this work. He wants to cherish you and go out of his way for you. If you make everything too easy on him, he will view the relationship as less valuable.

Before moving in, you need to truly figure out what’s best for you.

I’m not asking you to take a fear-based approach but I am suggesting to be smart about this decision. It’s a big one.

Don’t do it out of convenience.

Don’t do it if you don’t know where the relationship is headed. Discuss both of your intentions and a timeline of expectations before you take the relationship to the next level.

For more information about dating expert Megan Weks, visit her website at www.meganweks.com.

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