Here’s a very interesting idea about how to deal with loneliness and get the love you want…
“How do I take the first step to deal with loneliness?
By learning to love. But first we must examine the paradox to love.
When we are lonely, we feel like we are in an unbearable prison. By its very nature of loneliness is just like the stomach ache – the attention centers only on ourselves.
So we try and fill this emptiness by finding others who will give us that very love we need. People often try to do things for others to gain their love. They barter trade favors with each other thinking that they are loving people.
We know that our loneliness can only be filled by the love of others and therefore we must feel loved by others.
The Paradox Of Love And Loneliness Is This:
If we seek to fill the void of our own loneliness in seeking love from others, we will inevitably find no consolation but only a deeper desolation.
In other words, if we seek the love that we need, we will never find it.
When a person orients his life towards the satisfaction of his own needs, when he goes out to seek the love which he needs, he is basically self-centered, no matter how pitiful he is. As long as he focuses on himself, his ability to love will always remain stunted.
What is the solution then? If a person seeks not to receive love, but rather to give it without strings attached, he will become lovable and he will most certainly be loved by others in the end.
We must stop being concerned with ourselves and begin to be concerned with others. Beginning with the end in mind – which focuses the results of the act of love others without concerned with self-gain, is the first step to gaining love and easing the pain of loneliness. Every single person on earth has some capacity to love.
Dealing with Loneliness
We all have some ability to focus the attention off ourselves to the needs and concern of others. It is the extent that we are willing to give, are we able to receive that amount of love from others.
Deciding to love others with no strings attached is like a donation (we don’t expect anything in return, not even a satisfied ego or relieved guilt), not a barter trade. When we ask others, “What have you done for me?” we have failed to love.
Even if at the beginning you are only able to love a little, you will be loved a little. That very love will empower you to grow and produce more love and in return receive greater love from others.
But always remember that in making this self-donation or self-sacrifice, our minds must always be focused away from ourselves or it wouldn’t work.”
From Sarah: What’s so interesting about this article and point of view is that so much of what experts say is about self-esteem, self-respect, and focusing on what you want instead of on the needs of a man – and I’ve thought about it, and it actually doesn’t seem to conflict with this.
I’ve discovered personally that doing volunteer work, for instance, can completely take my mind off me and make me feel useful, more human, and much more in touch with my power instead of falling into that “feeling weak and blue” state it’s so easy to fall into when things aren’t going the way you want.
And at the same time – in many of my relationships before the great one I have now – I used to pay so MUCH attention to the man I cared about that I’d do too much, and pay him too much attention, and lost sight of ME inside the relationship. And it just killed all the attraction and eventually ended the relationship. I realize now, especially from working with all the programs we have here, that me doing all of that was my way of pushing love AWAY – even though I always thought and said I’d do ‘anything” to have love.
What I really like about this article is that – where LOVE is concerned – the only way it can work is if you have no AGENDA about it. The moment a man picks up that you have an ulterior motive, or “want” something from him – he digs in his heels. And the nicer you are to a man when you feel that way – the more he runs.
So – whether you’re focusing on YOU in order to not be focusing on a man, or if you’re practicing loving without having an “attachment” to be loved in return – the clearer you can see and FEEL if a man is actually even ABLE (or if he wants to, to begin with) love you the way you deserve to be loved. It’s not a reciprocal thing. Love has to come without strings – just because it does, because he feels it for you and wants to love you.
To get extra help with everything about love, commitment, and how you feel inside – I’d really like to encourage you to check out our “7 Steps To Lifelong Love” program. It will help you in so many different ways (you can find out about the amazing coaches and therapists who created the program when you follow the link) – so, to help with loneliness and find real, true, lifelong love, just go here for 7 Steps To Lifelong Love->