by Orna and Matthew Walters
This week’s dating question comes from Nai’a:
“Aloha Orna and Matthew–
Mahalo! I enjoy reading your posts in Hawaii.
Hereʻs my query: after 22 years (since my divorce) of no success in the sex and romance area of my life, I seem to have made a radical 180! Last summer, I prayed that my life would change and now there are two wonderful lovers in it. Neither do I consider my “boyfriend,” as both live far from Hawaii and neither is “available.” However, one just visited for a blissful month and the other arrives for two weeks. I wonder whether this thrilling juggle of two adoring men is helping or hindering “Bringing in my Beloved.” Does “practice make perfect” in love?”
Mahalo! And glad to hear you are enjoying our newsletter.
This Is a Great Question About Dating
As you are dating and not deciding to settle down with either of these men at the moment, there is no way this is hindering your ability to “Bring In Your Beloved.” The universe, God, Source (whatever that is for you) expects us to take action and often times we are tested when we step up and ask for what we want.
We suggest you approach these two men as a great opportunity to learn more about yourself and “Date to Discover.” Our Date to Discover process is the perfect tool for learning more about what you want in relationship, and also a great way to ask the premiere question of the sages, “Who Am I?”
The key is to notice how you are feeling and what you are saying to yourself about yourself.
Let’s start with how you are feeling first. How do you feel when you interact with these men? Do they energize you? Or do they leave you feeling drained? Do you feel good about yourself? Or do you feel like you’re not enough?
Then compare that with what you desire in relationship. Most of us want to feel good in relationship, however it is important to be more specific. Maybe you want to feel supported or cherished or feel that you are heard. Be specific on how you want to feel with your Beloved and compare that to how you feel with each of these men. Move on if it is not in alignment with what you truly desire.
The second part is to notice what you are saying to yourself about yourself when you interact with these men.
Do you act differently when you are out with the one you find more attractive? Do you find yourself acting differently with each one? What are your triggers if you find yourself twisting into a pretzel with either of these men? Or are you able to be completely authentic with each of them?
This will give you a lot of learning about yourself and reveal where there is room for you to grow.
What Do You Truly Desire from the Men You Are Dating?
Ultimately the key is that when you discover that either one of these men (or any man for that matter) is not what you truly desire, then move on. It is when we hang to something less than what we want that we end up blocking the path to our soul mate.
Enjoy where you are, and enjoy your exploration of who you are in relationship! Simply become as clear as possible about what your true heart’s desire is.
Love and Abundance,
Orna and Matthew
From Sarah: Orna and Matthew are the only couple working together coaching women on relationships getting the amazing kind of results I personally know they’re getting – you’ll LOVE their ebook-plus-audio program Get Your Mr. Right – it will turn around EVERYTHING you believed about getting the lifelong love you want and help you so fast it’s incredible – just check out Get Your Mr. Right here to focus and revitalize your dating life->