Here’s a relationship question from a reader, and our experts’ answer:
“I dated a guy on and off for about 2 years. We’ve now been apart for longer than that. He was my first “love” and I thought we would be together forever. Since we’ve broken up, I’ve had a girl reach out to me.
She said that he’s abusive toward her and he raped her. Furthermore, she said that they were together the entire time that we were together. Her contacting me has brought up feelings that I had previously buried – I realize now that he mistreated me horribly, took advantage of me, and is an awful person in general. Still, I can’t help but want closure. I never received it and I want to know exactly what he did while we were together. He cheated on me… but what else? And who was I really with?
I’ve reached out to him before, with less than desirable results. He still knows how to push my buttons. He upsets me by saying that “we need to be friends” before he can tell me anything about his past because “he needs to know that he can trust me.” I haven’t reached out in a long time… should I risk it again? Or is there some other way for me to get closure?
I should mention that I’m in a very happy relationship and have been for over 2 years, but I still want some type of closure from the first relationship. I deserve to know what I put up with for years.
Thank you, Carol”
Answer from our Relationship Experts:
Carol –please, please do not contact him.
Closure is WAY overrated.
If you open up this Pandora’s box, you’ll stir things up and trigger yourself emotionally even more, and do damage to the relationship you have now.
Please ignore this, work through your emotions, get therapeutic help if you need it…you don’t want to open this up.