virginianewby Virginia Feingold Clark

Are you in a relationship with a man you really like but find it hard to get beyond superficial conversations to true intimacy? Do you wish you could tell him more of what you’re thinking and feeling? Are you afraid to talk about things that are important to you because you may scare him away or “burden” him with your thoughts?

It’s really painful to hold yourself back in a relationship, to feel you have to limit your conversations to subjects you feel are “safe”. What happens is you end up sharing everything with a man except your true self.

I know how bad this can feel because for years I went out with men who were entertaining and fun, but unavailable for meaningful or deep conversation. It was like they projected a barrier around themselves that said “don’t bother me with your stuff, I’m not interested in going there with you.”

I talk about this problem in my book It’s Never Too Late To Marry and how I was able to change this for myself.

Here are a few things you can keep in mind to help you to change this intimacy dynamic in your relationships.

How to Build True Intimacy:

1. The most important thing is that you need the courage to speak up. You’re half of the couple and your needs and desires are worth as much as his.

2. When you begin to open up, be sure it’s at a time where there are no distractions such as the TV or computer. Pick a time when you are both relaxed and it’s easy to talk.

3. Men learn by example! If you begin to open up in an honest and gentle way, you may find he will begin to feel safe enough to open up to you.

Ultimately, to have a fulfilling relationship you need to be able to share your real self with a man and you will most likely be the one to make the first move in this area. If all your efforts fail and he resists opening up to you, you will have to decide if you want to stay in a relationship without this kind of intimacy.

The Risk Is Worth the Intimacy

It may be hard to be open with him but there is a reward. You’ll feel more confident and sure of yourself. Your efforts will be a small price to pay for the benefit of having deepened your connection with your man.

If you’re still afraid to take this step and feel you need help, let me know and I will help to guide you through it.

If you need more support on how to get married, or with any relationship problem, take advantage of my 30-minute No Charge Phone Consultation!

I am happy to be connecting to you here and I welcome your questions and your thoughts.

In the meantime don’t forget, things can change in an instant, don’t lose hope!


From Sarah: Virginia is the real deal. Her story of meeting her man late in life and getting married (she’d never been married before) is amazing, and her ebook “It’s Never Too Late To Marry” will give you the hope you need, step-by-step instructions on how to make it happen for yourself, and the inspiration to transform your love life. Go here to check out Virginia and learn how to have the intimacy you want->


  1. Marissa on January 5, 2012 at 9:12 am

    I do this with my boyfriend of 2 years. We have a daughter. He lives in FL and I live in MI. He’s going to school there. We used to be open, talk about any & everything. And now I feel like if I say certain things he will get mad, or he will turn it on me. I want to openly talk to him and have no worries, but I don’t know what to do or how to go about it. We’ve been having problems lately, and he just like shifted gears on me. I need help.

  2. juliet on January 3, 2012 at 3:29 am

    I have being trying my best as a wife but my husband is still chietting on me.pls advise me on what 2 do

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