The whole idea of learning how to know your man requires being able to “see” him as who he is. And “seeing” a man for real sometimes requires us completely changing the way we “look” at him
It’s easy to look at a man for his potential.
Or for his looks, or his personality, or the money he makes, or the power and authority he seems to have – for superficial things we can easily “see” and for “deep” things we might actually be only imagining.
For example – let’s take the “sensitive man.”
Once you actually get to know your man and the way he is with YOU – you might find out that he’s sensitive alright – but only sensitive about himself, and not really sensitive about YOU at all!
You might discover that he’s actually “all about himself” and doesn’t even really appreciate your importance to him
On the other hand – you might dismiss a man as “insensitive” because he doesn’t open up about his feelings.
When actually – he’s waiting for YOU to open up your feelings FIRST so he’ll feel safe enough with you to open up!
He may actually be very sensitive to you – and a little “silent” about himself.
The odd thing is – we may find this kind of man “boring.” And then we miss out.
To Know Your Man Is To Understand That He’s Another Human Being
We all tend to think that men think like we do – that any person we’re talking to or see across the room thinks like we do and feels like we do – but that’s not how it works. Men are wired completely differently than we women are. In so many ways – their brain “circuits” are so much more sensitive than ours, and they tend to shut down and overload much faster and easier than we do.
So – if he’s not really thinking what you think he’s thinking – what IS he thinking?
And that’s what a relationship is about. Exploring each other so that each of you becomes stronger. As you get to know your man and trust him, he begins to trust you, too. And as you trust each other more and more, you feel safer and safer emotionally and open up to each other more and more. And then what you “know” about him is way more than the superficial things you have in common, or even the superficial, obvious differences.
You start to experience whether he can be a true life partner for you. Whether he’s willing to experience some discomfort in his pride to make YOU happy!
Here’s a great way to find out more about a man and get a real dialogue going – and that’s to answer questions TOGETHER.
Michael Webb (you likely have seen him on Oprah many times, she’s called him her “relationship expert”) wrote a great, simple book called “1000 Questions For Couples” that takes all the “work” out of learning more about each other – and, most important, takes all the pressure off the situation, makes it fun, and gives HIM a chance to participate (even if he’s not much of a “talker”). To take a look at Michael’s “1000 Questions,” and really understand a man and help him know you in fresh and deeper ways that will solidify your relationship – go here and learn to know your man->