by Gaye Wright
It might seem like a strange title for an article but it occurred to me that sometimes we are not aware of how our love life is really going. We might think we do. We might readily be able to describe the dynamics of our relationship from our point of view. But how much of that knowledge is shared with our partner or potential partner? Even if you are not in relationship you can still have a running dialogue in your head about why it isn t happening for you or when will it happen and so on. Regardless of our present relationship status we all seem to have a fundamental focus on what is happening for us in love. It s not surprising when you think of the search we undertake to find that person we can freely love and who will freely love us back.
Do you recognise this focus in yourself? Have you found that person? Or, are you still searching? Where are you at in love?
You might be going through a phase of contented love and that is fantastic. It happens to most of us at one time or another. It can go on for a long time for some people, whereas for others it is just a moment s glimpse of the relationship heaven we want to be in and then it s gone. Sometimes it feels like a struggle to hold on to what we thought was an everlasting bond. It might even feel too hard and we go into a cave for a period of time. Sadly, some of us don t emerge from that loneliness, or we are convinced that we can t. There are so many complexities in love that it s a wonder we manage to have a relationship, let alone enjoy it!
Of course, I m being a bit silly in saying that. Even if part of you believes it to be true; even if at this moment you think that it s too hard; there s another part of you, perhaps subconsciously hidden away, that really wants to believe in love. Even years of being alone doesn t take away that longing to love and be loved.
So what is the purpose of this dialogue? What benefits are there for you in an open discussion about where you are in love?
Well, for a start, being more aware and conscious of what is going on in yourself is fundamental to taking more charge of your life. And this applies to relationship as much as it applies to your job. In fact, I would argue that it is more beneficial to know who and what you are in relationship as the foundation of how you interact with people at all levels of relationship.
Then, there is the decided benefit of being able to communicate from a position of knowing what you are like and how you are likely to be in any given situation. If, for example, you know that you like a bit of drama before you can express your true feelings, then at least communicate that to your partner or a potential lover. Not only will they be pleased you gave them fair warning but you will be happier for having shared something of yourself, especially if it has created problems in communication in the past.
You might feel a little vulnerable at first but the rewards of sharing yourself will far outweigh any initial discomfort.
What about taking a more proactive approach to love? What about learning more about your body and the way you personally react or respond in your body? Are you more or less sensitive to other people s emotions? Do you know how to interpret the feedback your body is giving you? Can you tell when your body is giving you a message about another person? Do you take notice to when your body is saying stop or go? If you are not confident about these things then it is time to get more in touch with your body. Learn how to breathe more deeply and peacefully. Try Yoga or Tai Chi. Meditate. There are any number of practices available to you to get back into the flow.
When you are in the flow you are very connected to your lover or potential partner in love.
So get into the flow. Get into your body. Get into knowing yourself. And then get ready for love!
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