cherryby Cherry Norris, “The Dating Director”

You didn’t hear from him on Christmas. Do you keep him or delete him?

You heard from him on New Year’s but since he hadn’t called for two weeks you had already deleted him. Then he sends you a “Happy New Year” text. Now what?

You’ve known each other for a while but the connection between you has shifted. It just doesn’t feel the same. Keep him or delete him?

How do you know when someone is worth keeping and when they are not?

Well, it depends on you. And the role you play in the relationship.

If you really clicked when you got together and he didn’t call you on Christmas (especially if you just met) – Keep Him. Don’t delete him. Not yet anyway!

He doesn’t think like you during the holidays. For him, Christmas is just another day. If he’s going to call you, he will call you. When he wants to. In his time.

Your role is to be Patient.

Wait for his call. Keep dating others.

Now if you are impatient and delete him because he didn’t call when you wanted him to… When, after two weeks, you were hurt and furious and hit delete to show him… And then he texts “Happy New Year” (like nothing’s happened!) Now what?

You keep him! He’s just being a man. And a man won’t do it your way. He will do it his way. In his time.

Your role is to be Accepting.

Text him back to say “Thank you.” Chill out and keep dating others.

If you’ve known each other for a while and in the beginning it was great because you clicked in so many ways, then over time you find yourself drifting apart with different interests and different friends, and you just don’t feel the same…do you keep him or delete him?

(Whew. That’s a tough one.)

The general rule in relationships is unless you’re getting physically sick, stay until it’s over. Because if it’s not really over, you’ll find yourself in the same situation with someone else!

To know if you need to keep him or delete him ask yourself these questions:

Is this relationship resourceful? Does it serve me? Do I feel good? Am I having fun? Can we communicate?

Or does this relationship deplete me? Am I exhausted? Do I feel spent? Or dumped on? Or unimportant?

You’ll know the answer. You’ll know whether to keep him or delete him because…

Your primary role in every relationship is to be Self Loving.

Always.

To Your Love Life in the New Year!

Cherry

Cherry is great, and there’s terrific free help on her site (and her “Role of a Lifetime” program is sitting in a place of honor on my shelf, having been listened to many, many times, and helped me very much) go here to get her free newsletters->

3 Comments

  1. Jess on February 28, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    This article was very interesting, mainly because lots of women tend to just delete, whining about him not being there for their needs when they aren’t considering his way of being at all. Many women forget it isn’t only about how we feel, they do have feelings and his behavior, different to ours, doesn’t mean being uninterested.



  2. Lea on February 28, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    I found this article very interesting. I think she makes a great point about love yourself — it ties back to treating others like you want to be treated. Expectations can ruin budding relationships. Probably doing a quick self-survey every once in a while can make it easier to choose whether to keep or delete. For example, if holidays and birthdays are important to you, you may want to find out where your prospective partner stands on those issues before your feelings get hurt when he misses your birthday. Similarly, if he turns out to be an out and out traditionalist and you are not the type who wants to spend every weekend with his folks doing family things, it would be good to know it before you hurt his feelings. So it works both ways. Asking the right questions at the right time and not expecting too much too soon have worked for me in the past.



  3. Jenny Richardson on March 2, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    I found this article helpful. It is important to remind yourself to be patient and give things time to develop. Many of us want to find the perfect relationship and end up rushing the whole thing. Take your time getting to know the person while taking good care of yourself. If you can keep some perspective and wait to see what develops, as she points out, you will most likely know what you want to do.



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