So you’ve got your eye on someone and he seems like the perfect guy.
But does he feel the same way?
Do you have chemistry or are you just nervous?
Chemistry–the spark that lights love on fire—but how do you know if you have it?
Signs You Have Chemistry
I’m going to take you through a series of indicators that will tell you once and for all if you two are red hot or lukewarm.
The first thing you need to know is that true chemistry goes beyond the excitement that comes with dating someone new. It’s easy to mistake butterflies for chemistry but there is so much more at play. Chemistry happens on a very deep level and it’s impossible to fake.
1. Making eye contact isn’t awkward
Do you find yourself sneaking glances at him and then looking away or are you two able to look into each other’s eyes without being nervous?
The eyes really are the window to the soul and the easy ability to make eye contact with your guy will let you know that you’ve got chemistry. Think about when you’re alone on the bus with a stranger and just looking for somewhere to look that is as far away from them as possible.
Chances are the two of you aren’t quite that squeamish around each other but if you can’t make eye contact easily then this is a sign that nervousness still runs the show in your relationship.
2. You can hold a conversation
Conversation is chemistry in action. If you find that there’s never an awkward pause and that the two of you finish each other’s sentences, this is a sign that you two have chemistry to spare.
A natural conversation just flows. A bad conversation has a lot of stops and starts, clarification and confusion.
If you find you’re having trouble explaining your point of view then there’s a chance that you two lack chemistry or it could be his shyness getting in the way.
3. Time flies
Do you ever find yourself losing track of time when you two are together?
If you’re wondering how it’s midnight already or if you’re late for work because you two were busy texting then this means you two have a spark.
If time seems to stretch on forever and it’s not the last day of school, then that’s a definite red flag.
4. You’re good in bed
It’s been said that the early stages of a relationship–holding hands, flirting—are all just foreplay.
While I wouldn’t go that far, sexual compatibility is a great indicator of chemistry between the two of you.
So if sex comes naturally and you seem to know one another’s bodies right away, then congratulations, you’ve got chemistry.
5. You can’t stop laughing
Humor has many different languages–if you two speak the same one, this is a sign that the two of you share a connection that goes beyond the superficial.
You’ll know you’ve got this covered if the two of you can’t stop laughing when you’re together.
If it seems like he reads your mind and comes up with the funniest thing to say–that’s chemistry.
6. You’re comfortable
Butterflies are one thing but if you can get past that and really relax with one another then this is a great sign. This means less second-guessing, wondering and game playing. You really can just be yourself.
A good test of this one is your first sleepover. This is something you can’t fake.
If you sleep like a baby in his arms even after he’s seen you brush your teeth and put on your giant tee shirt, then you have something really special.
7. You dress the part
This is a bit of a strange one but stay with me. If you two pass a mirror when you’re headed out for a date, do you look like a couple? Let me explain. I’ve found that when dates dress in wildly different ways and to different levels of formality for the same occasion, this is a sign of incompatibility.
It’s a bit of a chicken and the egg situation. Did you two simply have a bad date because he wore a tuxedo to the movies or was this just a symptom of your lack of chemistry?
Either way, keep an eye on how he dresses if you want to be matchy-matchy.
How To Create Chemistry
So what do you do if the chemistry is lacking in your relationship?
As I said, it’s impossible to fake chemistry but you can reveal more of it as time goes on. This is the process of getting to know one another and bonding.
In order to find your chemistry I’m going to ask you to be open, honest, and vulnerable with your man.
Oftentimes you’re trying too hard to impress one another early in the relationship and so you end up showing them who you want to be, rather than who you are.
This sort of false front is a huge barrier to chemistry. So let your hair down and reveal yourself and you’ll find out if the chemistry is really there or not. And I always say that getting real is a great way to filter out players and emotionally unavailable men.
Try New Things
Another great way to ignite chemistry is trying new activities together.
You don’t have to go on a white water rafting trip to determine if you’re meant to be, but changing up the setting and style of your interactions really does reveal hidden chemistry.
Let me tell you a story of one of my clients, we’ll call her Maya, had been on four dates with a man, Derek, and things seemed to be going well but they still hadn’t as much as held hands.
The problem was he’d always take her out for a fancy dinner and drinks. Maya loved being pampered but couldn’t quite get comfortable in this environment.couple massage
So after their fifth date, Maya suggested they go for ice cream nearby. They made quite the pair in their fancy evening wear at Dairy Queen. Maya got a banana milkshake and spilled it all down her dress.
At first, she was mortified but then Derek and her laughed and laughed. They ended up going to her place so she could change and with the ice broken and both of them feeling more relaxed, they were finally able to let their guard down and get to know one another.
I’m happy to say that Maya and Derek have now been married for 8 months and are expecting a baby.
Hopefully that example shows you how the simplest change can make all the difference when it comes to chemistry.
Amy North is a women’s relationship coach and best-selling author from Vancouver, Canada, with a degree in Social Psychology. Her programs, including Text Chemistry and The Devotion System have helped dozens of women attract and keep the right guy, or improve the relationship they already have. “As your relationship coach I can be your guru, supporter, challenger, and motivator. I’ll give you the push to get going, and the tools to keep you on track. Your interests will be my interests, and I won’t judge, but I will help.”