By Lubov Skurina
So many women tell me they are not in a relationship because they are “tired of playing the dating game.” They think this is something they have to do in order to find a partner.
The Internet is overflowing with various tips on how to play it… and win. The general rule is that you need to play hard to get, but not overdo it. You need to be flirty to ignite a man’s interest, but cold enough to throw him on a rollercoaster of ego-driven cat-and-mouse game, giving him just enough attention to keep him interested.
Does it really work?
The answer depends on what you are looking for. Think of a time when you really wanted something that you couldn’t get and it was hurting your ego. If you are an achiever and you feel it’s at your fingertips, you’ll make a point of getting it no matter what. Then you finally succeed. Then what? You feel a sense of accomplishment, you enjoy it for a while, and then you are off running after a new challenging thing.
The same happens with men and the cat-and-mouse game. Men who get pulled into it, are not really after you. They are after that short-lived satisfaction of success that boosts their ego. When the challenge is gone they get bored. So if you are looking for a short and passionate affair, then go ahead, count 3 days to call back, play reluctant to accept an invitation, or pretend that there is someone else on the horizon (honestly, I am not an expert at that, just stating some dating advice I found on the web).
However, if you are looking for a serious relationship…
Then you should be authentic. In order to attract a man who wants and needs someone like you, you need to be Who You Are. No pretense. You need to be natural, warm and inviting. If you pretend to be someone else that will only repel a serious, sincere potential partner and attract a player.
That being said…
There is a reason the dating game was invented. There is a certain value in it, and here is why. It helps us women mask our desperate desire to be in a relationship; helps maintain our self-esteem.
If you just met someone and you liked him, your racing mind starts visualizing pictures of your future together; you have a strong urge to call him and tell him all about it. You forget that you don’t really know that person. You are focused on your feelings and forget that he might need some time and space to realize his own feelings towards you.
This is when the rules of “the dating game” come handy. They tell you: “Don’t call. Wait for him to call first. Give him some space. Don’t make it look like you are sitting by the phone and waiting for his call.”
The truth is that if you weren’t so attached to having a relationship, if you weren’t so desperately trying to make it work, then you wouldn’t need to adhere to any rules. You would give him space naturally, knowing that your feminine power is in attracting and receiving; and not in going after or working on your relationship.
If you stand in your power, if you are confident in your own value, then all you need to do is to be open and be yourself; and you will become magnetic to a partner who is right and perfect for you. Then you don’t need to play any games. Your own intuition will be a better guide than all the dating advice you can find.
So, to play or not to play; which is it going to be?
From Sarah: We just discovered Lubov, and we love her! She’s an amazing, transformative relationship coach – you can read all the wonderful things her clients say about her and how she’s helped them when you follow this link – OH – and be SURE to pick up Lubov’s free ebook “4 Steps to Soulmate Attraction” – it’s a complete step-by-step guide to attracting your ideal life partner – and that’s her specialty. Just go here to get your free book and discover and enhance and live in your feminineside–>>