jealousyby Susie and Otto Collins

The holidays can be a lot of fun but if you’re stuck in jealousy – either yours or his –  it can be a season that you dread.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

So how can you get through the holidays and even be jealousy free?

Here’s the problem with jealousy and these holidays–and one of the reasons why it spells disaster for couples with jealousy issues…

Christmas and New Year celebrations (whether you celebrate these holidays or others) usually include parties, get togethers and being more “social” than you normally have been throughout the year.

There could also be expectations about gift-giving with your loved one that can get so tangled up when there’s jealousy.

If either one of you is struggling with jealousy, you’re probably not feeling very loving toward one another. Putting up a good front and pretending everything is okay can really take its toll on you and on your relationship.

You may even be comparing yourself or your partner with other people and are feeling alone and sad that you’re coming up short and maybe even a failure.

So what do we suggest?

We suggest that you put yourself and your partner on a no-jealousy diet.

A no-jealousy diet is an intention you create to be free of jealousy for a specific period of time.

It might be over the Christmas weekend or maybe it’s on New Year’s Eve that you take this no-jealousy pledge.

Here Are 3 Ways To Help You Do On This No-Jealousy Diet And Actually Enjoy It…

1. Stop comparing yourself and your partner to anyone else

Just for this one period of time, take your focus away from comparing yourself or your partner to other people. When thoughts come up that you aren’t as attractive as someone else or that this jealousy thing will never go away…shift your thoughts to the present moment and what’s in front of you right now.

It’s also helpful to remember why you love your partner and be in gratitude that you’re together.

Sound difficult?

Maybe.

But remember–we’re only asking you to do this for a few hours.

And you never know if you can do it until you try.

So try this when you have thoughts come up about how attractive your partner’s co-worker is, how un-attractive you feel, or how scared you are that your partner will create a jealous scene.

Take a deep breath and shift your attention inside you, saying something like this-“I love you.”

You say this to yourself until you feel some ease in your body.

Try it every time you are envious of someone else, tempted to put yourself down, or frustrated by your partner’s jealousy.

2. Communicate what you want

To make your no-jealousy diet really work, you have to communicate with each other about how you and your partner can make this time special.

Before you can do this, you have to figure out what you want and then how to express it.

If you feel like it’s difficult to go within yourself and determine what it is that you really want or to express it, we suggest that you turn your attention to one thing that you’d like instead of focusing on your fears of what your partner may do or say or how they will react.

Do you want a quiet evening at home-just the two of you? Do you want a truce and a moratorium on the arguments you’ve been having so you can have a nice dinner in a restaurant or an enjoyable time at a party or family gatherings? Do you want to laugh together at a funny movie?

Take a moment and think what you’d like during this period of time?

We know that it takes courage to resource yourself and find the courage to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about what you’d like during this time. But if you do, you’ll see changes that live long past this holiday.

3. Make the commitment to treat your partner and yourself special.

This may sound pretty far out there right now but in order for your jealousy diet to be success, it’s time to put down your defenses and your thoughts that separate you and just treat each other with kindness and love.

Here’s An Image To Help You Deal With Jealousy…

Put all of your comparisons, anxious thoughts, fears about past or future in a trash can by the door. Just throw them in. You can always pick them up again if you want but for now, throw them in the can and put a lid on them.

You might even put a sign on your imaginary trash can something like–“Don’t open until January 2–and maybe not even then.”

Now, find one way to connect with your partner.

It might be letting go of your normal way of being suspicious for just once and just being yourself or maybe the way you used to be.

It might be stopping yourself from making a sarcastic comeback and just listening.

It might be choosing to smile at your partner instead of frown.

Whatever it is, do something today that you haven’t done in a long while that will bring the two of you closer together.

So we’ll say to you have a jealousy-free holiday and please let us know if our suggestions helped make this a happier time for you.

Our best to you today and every other day.

Our best,

Susie and Otto Collins

Susie and Otto are the only husband-and-wife team we know of dealing specifically with the problem of jealousy – and their success rate in saving relationships from jealousy is tremendous. If you’re enduring the pain of jealousy, whatever the cause, go check out their great ebook and stop the damage from happening to your relationship right now – get help here for jealousy->

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