by Christian Carter
Now, here’s the other important question to ask now that we’ve identified some of the common relationship mistakes women make with men...
WHY don’t these responses and ways of communicating and dealing with men work? Even though at the time responding this way makes absolute sense?
Because they all have one terrible thing in common…
They are all deadly forms of what I call APPROVAL-SEEKING BEHAVIOR.
Ok, so what does that mean?
And why is it such a terrible thing when it comes to men, dating, attraction, and having a man see you as the kind of woman he really wants to be with?
I’m going to try and make a long and complicated story very short here to show you what approval seeking behavior is, and why it’s such a GIANT MISTAKE with men…
See, men have all kinds of ways of thinking, seeing things, and behaviors that aren’t completely conscious – but are what I’ll call more BIOLOGICAL or INSTINCTUAL.
These are things that have been instilled in them over thousands and millions of years of “conditioning” during mating and courtship rituals with women.
When a man is looking for a woman, a part of his instinctual “wiring” unconsciously tells him to look for a woman who is healthy and “fit.”
This means that men are biologically wired to look for, and feel “attracted” to women who have the qualities and traits that indicate a high level of health and “fitness.”
But unfortunately, this “screening process” that’s going on inside a man’s mind is largely UNCONSCIOUS.
In other words, a man can’t and won’t just walk up to a woman and say,
“Hi, I’m looking for a mate. I’d like to know if you would make a good mate for me. Are you any of the following?
-Physically fit and healthy so you can conceive a healthy child, give birth, and raise him/her?
-“Genetically fit” so that you have a high likelihood to bear successful offspring by passing off great qualities like size, strength, intelligence, immunity, etc?
-Intelligent, “funny”, and resourceful so that you can not only be a mate that makes me feel attracted to you and want to conceive lots of children… but also help in this world of hard- to-come-by resources?
-Going to make a great mother who can care for our child and raise it while I’m out trying to “provide”?
Catch my drift?
This is part of the reason why so often a woman will ask a man why he’s feeling one way or another… or why he’s acting different or not interested in a relationship and he can’t explain it.
It’s just the way he FEELS.
Either he FEELS ATTRACTED. Or he doesn’t.
Of course, these “biological buttons” aren’t the only thing going on inside a man’s mind.
Men do have more CONSCIOUS processes for the way they choose a woman, and for the way they feel.
If trying to cram all this into your head and understand what it means, and how to respond to all these things while trying to have a real conversation with a man seems ridiculous and daunting to you – it should.
The reality is that you can’t sit and think to yourself… “Gee, I’d like him to think I’d make a good mate who could rear successful and healthy children, I’ll tell him about how healthy me and my family are.”
It just doesn’t work that way.
A man looks at much subtler “cues” about a woman that tell him what to think.
Some of these “cues” are:
–Physical Appearance (the obvious one): If you have a specific hip-to-waist ratio, without consciously “measuring” it, a man will see it and possibly feel a physical attraction
–Health: Things like how white the whites in your eyes are, your scent, and the tone and nature of your skin are all subtle indicators of a healthy immune system. Men find white eyes, certain scents, and smooth skin attractive not because they know they indicate that a woman is healthy and will have a high likelihood of success for offspring, but because they FEEL ATTRACTED to these things for some reason.
–“Emotional Fitness“: If a woman has the kind of attitude and “vibe” about her that is fun to be around, stimulating, exciting, and positive and consistent… then a man unconsciously will see her as a good long-term mate.
To find out all the things that truly interest and attract men… as well as the more subtle and complex things that make a man become EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED with a woman it could take a long long time to figure out.
It could take you literally years of research, of failed relationships, and of trying different things.
And even then you might not arrive at what is really going on with men, and how to make a relationship come together and work.
If you’re single after all these years, and you still don’t have the knowledge and the confidence that comes from truly knowing how to approach and handle men, dating, and relationships… and keep on making mistakes women make with men – then you know what I mean.
Luckily, I’ve done the work for you.
I’ve spent my time doing years of research, observation, interviews, etc. to get deep inside the mind of men… and I’ve also spent years talking with women about every question under the sun of how to create the love life they want with a man.
It also doesn’t hurt that I happen to be a man myself who has been through all kinds of situations in dating and relationships with women myself… and I have the perspective of how these things work for a man.
And I’m proud to say that I’ve been more successful in helping women in their love lives than I ever imagined was possible.
Now I want to share what I’ve learned with you… and help you the way I’ve helped literally thousands of other women.
If you’d like to learn how men think when it comes to the “dating process”… and how a man really thinks about a woman and getting involved in a real relationship with her, then I’ve got just what you need.
Women who don’t understand what the dating and COMMITMENT PROCESS is like inside a man’s mind seem to keep running into the same painful situations, frustrations, and traps with men.
The way a man grows close to a woman, the reasons why he chooses her over another woman, and when and why he decides to start sharing himself with her and growing a real and committed relationship is simply different than it is for most women.
If you don’t understand where a man is at, you don’t know how to read the signs, and most importantly… if you don’t know WHAT TO DO in each situation, then your odds of creating what you want with a man, and him wanting it with you are very slim.
One of the biggest “make it or break it” points for women in relationships with men is when you start to grow close and want to move from just a casual and unspoken thing into a deeper and more serious relationship.
If you’ve ever felt “stuck” in your love life because you didn’t know how to break through the “casual dating” stage with a man and move into a real and committed relationship, I can help.
If you know much about men, then you probably already know that the answer with a man in this situation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.
Lots of women try this and become frustrated and baffled when the man they thought they were close to completely pulls away from them and even tries to end the relationship all together.
If you want to grow your relationship with a man, the best way to move into a committed relationship isn’t to come up against his “EMOTIONAL RESISTANCE” to commitment when you bring it up.
The best relationships that women enjoy most, and that last the longest, are the ones where THE MAN is leading the woman into a committed relationship.
Where HE is asking HER to COMMIT TO HIM.
But for lots of women, things seem to get terribly turned around.
For the greatest chance at happiness and success with a man, and to be able to quickly and easily move from a casual situation to a real and committed relationship with a man, the answer is to learn:
1) How the commitment process works for him 2) How to make a man want to be with you and lead you in to a committed relationship
3) How to keep your relationship growing and healthy so that you both stay emotionally involved and fulfilled by the relationship
Most women NEVER learn these things, and as a result, they never have the kind of success in dating and relationships with men they really want.
So don’t wait for your relationship to figure itself out if you’re in one.
Don’t wait for a man to figure it out and make your relationship work for you.
Don’t wait until you’re dating the right guy and in a great relationship to learn how to help it grow and make it work with him.
Make it happen now.
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love!
Your Friend, Christian Carter
From Sarah: You’ll love Christian’s book “Catch Him & Keep Him” – it’s the classic book from a male relationship expert that will help you in SO many ways…and he has great free newsletters to help you know how changing even small things about how you react to a man and difficult situations can change your love life – get them free and stop making those same mistakes women make with men->