by Christian Carter.
There are huge dating mistakes you’re probably making right now with men. And you’re probably making it within the first five minutes of meeting a man.
What’s worse is that most men will see and recognize this mistake from a woman INSTANTLY. Don’t believe me? Read on and find out how to transform “dating” into the fun, exciting, and successful process of truly connecting with a man it’s meant to be.
Now, let me ask you something… When you start talking to a man that you’re “interested” in or dating, what is your attitude toward him? How do you treat him? And what are you THINKING ABOUT? Do you start the interaction by trying to figure out if he’s single and if he’d be into you… or how to get him to be MORE into you?
Do you assume that if he’s anything close to a good guy, then he probably has a girlfriend? And if he does have a girlfriend, do you secretly hope that he isn’t too into her and that he’ll take notice of you? Do you try to pretend like you’re not so interested in him “in that way,” and instead try to be casual about it until you get signals from him? Or do you even THINK about how to talk to a man in a way that will spark his interest and move your situation from you chasing” him to having him “court” YOU instead?
The fact is, most women make the same mistake when trying to spark interest in a man! They leave it up to men, or to “fate”, to decide what happens in their situation and are UNAWARE of what they’re doing. Or, if they are aware of what they’re doing…they’re not aware of what OTHER people (particularly men) think of them and their behaviors.
Now, most women won’t ADMIT that they will try to do or say whatever they think will please a man. And they won’t ADMIT that they’re even mentally anticipating what a man is going to think or do so they can respond to it in the “right” way. But the reality for lots of women is that this is happening. And it’s happening ALL THE TIME.
Let me explain…
Out of a random sample of 100 handsome guys, you’d probably find that only 20 of them (or so) are:
- Emotionally stable and at least semi-mature
- Able to carry on an interesting conversation
- Open to a relationship, should the right woman come along
- Not a player, or looking for just “fun”
This is just an estimate from my own personal experience, but I think you get the point. Now, here’s the important part of this concept…
Let’s say that you started talking to all of these 100 men, one after the other, and you had to use the same basic attitude and conversational style with each of them. What would you do? If you treated all of them like they were probably NOT single, interesting, stable, open, mature, etc, (which is the case for most of them), then you’d probably scare off the single ones who actually were the good ones, because they’d think YOU were acting strange, or that something was “off” with you.
For instance, let’s say you started a conversation with a very attractive guy who was open-minded and funny. But let’s say that you were “playing it cool”, not saying anything that might offend or appear “too forward”, and generally treating him and talking to him like he might be a good “friend”. You’d probably be trying to figure out if he was single, what his “story” was, and ask him some questions to get to know a bit about him.
“So what do you do?”, “Where are you from?”, “How did you get so funny?”
And you wouldn’t really be paying attention to what you were saying as you listened to him and asked him questions. And you might end the conversation as you left and he hadn’t taken your number or asked you out by saying, “So, why don’t you call me sometime?” And what is this hot, smart, desirable man thinking while you say this?
Right… Unless he’s purely physically attracted to you, he’s thinking that you and he didn’t really “hit it off” and that you must be kind of desperate to ask him out when you didn’t share any real “chemistry” or connection. (Remember, you were playing it cool the whole time… and you were asking him a bunch of questions about his everyday life. BORING!)
Now, let’s take the flip side of talking to these 100 men. Stay with me here. Let’s say that you treated ALL of the 100 attractive men like they were fun, open, smart, available, interesting, etc. What would happen? Well, you’d probably start flirting with them all right from the beginning, or you’d communicate very quickly that you weren’t just another friendly gal who wanted to talk about the weather.
And what would happen? Well, as you can imagine, a lot of the men who were either unavailable or unable to have a normal conversation would “reject” you. Especially if you were obviously open, available, but not a push-over at the same time. (Letting them know that you were the one doing the “choosing”, and that only “real men” would be considered).
Well, for most women, the THOUGHT of being “rejected” by a man they’re interested in is worse than slow water torture or electric shock. So what do women do? They don’t even try. And they miss the opportunities with all of those wonderful, single, open, emotionally available men who are out looking for a woman who has the confidence to find them.
So what’s the solution? The solution is to use a little “strategy” or “technique” called behaving AS IF he’s single, available, and interesting. You must learn to overcome your initial self-doubt and your doubts about a man, and behave AS IF every man you start talking to is SINGLE and AS IF he’s going to be a great guy.
And then you must do some things that will attract THAT man, and forget about what might happen with the other 80% of guys who can’t make the grade. And you must learn to NOT take the things that happen in between meeting the wonderful ones PERSONALLY.
There’s an old principle when it comes to marketing and advertising that really applies here in the real world. It basically says that out of 100 people reading your ad or seeing your commercial, maybe ONE of them is someone who would buy your product anyway. SO QUIT TALKING TO ALL OF THE 100 PEOPLE, AND SIMPLY TALK TO THE ONE.
To put it another way: “Don’t worry about the DOGS, concentrate on selling the FOXES”. This is a great metaphor I borrowed from a smart writer I know named Gary Halbert. The point is… talk to the men you meet AS IF they’re single, open, interesting, and wonderful. And then don’t worry about the ones that don’t turn out to actually BE single, open, interesting, available, and wonderful.
Use the things you’re learning from me, and KEEP USING THEM… even if they don’t work every time, and in every situation. There are all kinds of reasons why men aren’t “ready” or interested… or stop being interested… or whatever. But this doesn’t mean that you should stop doing what works!
…which leads me to my next point.
You’re probably wondering… “Christian, so how do I behave AS IF the man I am meeting will likely turn out to be a good guy… or even be my “Mr. Right”?
Good question. I’ll tell you how…
When you first start talking to a man, your BELIEFS about men, dating, and relationships are CRITICAL. If you don’t know how to communicate in a way that INSTANTLY shows a man that you’re one of the women who “gets it”, has confidence, and is attractive both inside and out… then you’ll probably be overlooked and mentally discounted by a man within SECONDS. Or a man will want to be with you for the WRONG REASONS, or for only a short and uncertain amount of time.
Of course, in order to PROJECT the correct beliefs that are attractive to men, you must KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, and UNDERSTAND THEM. In other words, you can’t just “fake” them. You actually have to have a DEEP understanding of how men think, and what makes them feel a POWERFUL, gut-level emotional ATTRACTION for a woman.
It’s taken me YEARS to figure out this critical point in dating and relationships…and several more years to observe and study so I could help women do this quickly and easily. And without doing all kinds of “kooky” and out there stuff, or stuff that doesn’t feel “real”. No one likes to play “games”, or have games played with them.
There is a way to completely AVOID PLAYING GAMES and get straight to the kind of connection and indirect communication that brings a man and a woman closer than simply using words can. You can’t learn to be a professional dancer or an expert in martial arts just by learning few “techniques”. It takes a DEEPER, more profound understanding.
And you can’t learn how to be become more successful in your single life, or in your relationship by learning a few of the right things to say. It just doesn’t work this way. (Think of men who believe in and try to use “pick-up lines” on women).
After spending literally YEARS seeing women I know making dating mistakes, seeing them trying different things, and putting the pieces together in my own studies, observation, and teaching… I’ve created a systematic way for women to learn ALL of the various aspects of how to be successful with men and dating. And I’ve created a few specific educational tools so you can learn this skill… right from the comfort of your own home.
Oh, and one CRITICAL thing you need to know when you’re with a man and you want to move your relationship into a more CERTAIN, SECURE, COMMITTED place, is exactly how to get there with him. Lots of women go their WHOLE LIVES never learning how love and commitment actually works for a man. As you probably already know, men can be very RESISTANT to committing to a relationship with a woman… EVEN IF HE LOVES HER.
In other words, just because a man falls for you, it doesn’t always mean that he’ll feel like TRULY COMMITTING to you.
If you know a man feels strongly for you, or even loves you… and you are having trouble growing the relationship and moving forward together into a more SECURE and CERTAIN place, then it’s time you checked out my free newsletters, and the programs I created just for you.
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.
From Sarah: You’ll want to get Christian’s free eletters – they’re all amazing, like this one, and once he’s sent them out, you won’t see them again (except here – and I’m working my way through my favorites for you) – just go here to learn more about how Christian knows so much about women (oh, and he SO does…) and to get his free advice on » dating mistakes