Confused About His Feelings?

If you’ve ever found yourself unsure about a man’s feelings for you and spending your valuable love and energy second- guessing yourself all the time, it’s time to reverse all that and put YOURSELF FIRST.

by Rori Raye

You can do it so much more easily than you think – no matter what anyone else tells you.

Raising your self-esteem isn’t about acting cool and as though you don’t care if your man is hot or if he’s cold – it’s about caring how YOU FEEL. And really caring whether or not you FEEL GOOD.

Have you ever been with a man who blows so hot and then so cold that you never know where you stand with him?

And you feel so tense and on edge that you can only relax when he’s WITH you, and you never know WHEN he’ll be with you?

Where you never know how it’s going to go, or how he’s going to act, and so you’re thinking about EVERYTHING over and over again before it even happens?

Before I discovered how to NOT have this happen to me, I was the Queen of “working things out in my head.”

I’d watch his face carefully for any sign that he was going to “go cold” so I could try to head that off. (And of course I was doing all the wrong things to stop him from going cold and so usually just made him go even colder.)

I’d ASK him things because I was trying to find out what was going to happen. I’d ask him when we were going to see each other, or ask him where he was going, or ask him when we were going to spend time together, or see that movie, or when he’d call me (so I’d be sure and be available).

And I’d do it in what I thought was such a non-pressuring way.

I’d ask him things out of curiosity. Or caring. Or just because my schedule was so “busy” that I “needed to know our plans.” And it always had the same effect.

No matter how I asked, or what I did, it pushed him further away.

I remember actually SEEING his face cloud over and his body move backward. But I didn’t have a clue what else to do, so I kept doing the same things over and over again. I remember thinking it was about the MAN. I thought if I did the same things over and over, and if the MAN were DIFFERENT – he’d respond differently. That it would finally work. But it never did.

It never even occurred to me that if the man were DIFFERENT – I wouldn’t even have to ASK for anything! This good man would just AUTOMATICALLY be making me FEEL happy and secure.

It wasn’t until I started dating my husband that I saw how that worked.

With him, I actually experienced how love and relationship isn’t supposed to be so hard.

And yet, even with him – I almost pushed him away. I foolishly let him move in when my roommate moved out. I set up house with him without an engagement ring – even though I’d made it clear that I “didn’t want a boyfriend,” I wanted a “husband.”

And after more months than I wanted to wait went by, and he seemed “unready” and “afraid” of committing to marriage, I finally figured out what I needed to do for myself. One of the biggest things was undoing the idea that he “had” me already, and could stall as long as he wanted, because we were already living together.

AND IF I COULD DO IT, “SHAKEY” AND “STUCK” AS I WAS and with no help from professionals, or girlfriends in better situations than I was to guide me…

… SO CAN YOU!

One of the things I discovered and made myself do was keep my options open.

If this sounds nearly impossible, because you feel so emotionally connected to your man, you can still do it.

One of the first steps to understanding why it’s so important to always keep your options open is to challenge the way we all think relationships should go.

You know, you meet a man, he’s great, there’s chemistry, he wants to spend all his time with you, and pretty soon you’re seeing each other every weekend, and then maybe once in the week, then two, and he calls and emails, and before you know it, you’re a “couple.”

And then, after maybe 6 months or a year, he proposes, you get engaged, and then there’s a wedding and you live happily ever after. And the thing is – that’s the way it’s SUPPOSED TO GO!

Easy and simple and without stress and frustration and tears and worry. It’s supposed to go without insecurity and confusion. And it’s supposed to go fairly quickly.

The only difference is – it’s not necessarily supposed to go the whole time with JUST HIM! I know this goes against everything you’ve ever heard or dreamed about.

We all think when we meet “The One” it will happen fast. And often it does. But most of the time – we’re not quite READY for it to happen this quickly and easily. If we’ve been wounded, or have trust issues, or are struggling with low-self-esteem and some bad patterns with men in the past – we have some PRACTICING to do, first.

And “The One” man for us may be in the same “not quite ready” place, too. So, what do we do while we’re waiting for both of us to be ready?

We Keep Our Options Open.

We bridge. We date other men.

So…how does this work with keeping your options open?

A man who blows hot and cold is just doing what he does. Unless he’s a bad man, he’s not blowing hot and cold on purpose to hurt you, he’s just doing it because that’s what he does.

Exclusivity without a commitment is a trap.

It’s great for him – but not good at all for you. Keeping your options open makes it possible to have what you want…and it makes it easier for the man you have to give you what you want.

It works for everybody, all around.

I have many great stories about women who have successfully navigated this – by keeping their options open until there was a commitment that suited them.

When a man is ready, and sure he wants you, then the romance really begins.

Then comes the ring and the wedding, and the walking off into the sunset together.

In her books, CDs, DVDs and seminars, relationship coach Rori Raye teaches women the completely original, simple-to-do and stunningly effective techniques for communication, confidence, and connecting with men that she used to turn her own, now-glorious two-decades-long marriage around. I’m a trained relationship coach, a former crisis counselor, and through my eBook, programs and newsletter, I’ve helped thousands of women succeed in love by teaching them the Tools I’ve created and developed with my clients – Tools that work quickly and effortlessly to change a struggling love life into Happy Ever After. If you’re not familiar with Rori’s work, please do yourself a favor and get her book “Have The Relationship You Want.” It will shift everything, almost overnight.

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