by Frank Seifert
Do you know what makes many relationships so bumpy? It’s the surprises…. lots of surprises. That’s why we re caught so flat-footed when the challenges show up…. because they’re such a total surprise.
So where do the surprises come from?
They are certainly not from a place you can manage with your mind. If so, questionnaires would have resolved the issues a long time ago. We all know the statements… THIS time is different. THIS is the woman of my dreams; THIS is the man I’ve been waiting for. THIS time it will work. What you feel is what runs the show. Without feeling the joy of a new connection, there would be little reason to be involved again when the pain of your last relationship is so easily recalled.
Don t feel like the lone ranger for the challenges you ve faced in relationships…no one seriously thinks about what they might be or how they will handle them during the lightheaded, swept away, glorious feelings that go with the Attraction phase. Why should you care? Everything feels great in the beginning.
Here are two energetic sources for surprises that you may not be aware of.
The first is a feeling place far below your conscious mind that we call your unique energetic pattern. It is at the core of your being and defines your basic humanity. That place is totally assumed in your day to day life and it never changes. It is simply you.
The question is What happens when you try to merge your energetic pattern with the energetic pattern of another person ? Are you aware that the relationship has its own unique energetic pattern that is totally separate from each person? The relationship becomes the classic elephant seated at the table that people try to ignore because they don t know how to define or deal with it. That sets the stage for big surprises.
The energies we re talking about are the quality of the communication you share, how you align in your activity levels, the sexual satisfaction you experience and issues around money. You ve certainly experienced what it feels like to have gaps in the energies of any or many of these traits. You don t feel heard; the humor disappears; his or her friends bug you; where did the great sex go; why was money always an issue etc.
The second major cause of surprises in relationships come from the very thing that you trusted the most for choosing your new partner…Attractions…Chemistry!
You may ask How can Attractions be the source of surprises ? Attractions are not what they seem. Some people receive reliable guidance from their (True) attractions so they can follow their feelings. The other half of the population are consistently misled by their (False) attractions into failed relationships. All attractions feel good so they can mask the energetic misalignments we discussed above. The challenges show up after the energetic misalignments have worked their way past the attractions to the surface.
Yes, I know you think the change in your partner was a total surprise but that is only your perception. From this discussion you must realize that objectively speaking, there are few real surprises in relationships. The discordant energies between the people were there from the beginning and only surfaced after working their way past the attractions. The effect of integrating discordant energetic patterns and the quality of attractions are primary sources of surprises in a relationship.