How about learning to love him for who he is, right in this moment, in each and every moment?
What if it’s something bigger though, a deeper wound, one which so many carry. Such as feeling rejected or abandoned.
If you felt this way as a child whether you were actually physically left or you were subjected to inconsistent or no attention at all or you were out and out abused, this could have left you easily feeling this way as an adult.
And because you are here reading right now, you will have likely come to realize that the men you seem to attract or more accurately to whom you are attracted, tend to be very much like your parents or guardians once were or still are.
Your man may have initially seemed SO very different in the early stages of your relationship, attentive, loving, caring. Yet in short order things seemed to change. He became less and less available, there for you. He withdrew a lot. He may have even disappeared for days or weeks at a time.
The tenderness and affection became sporadic to practically non-existent. He became preoccupied, maybe even abusive in some situations, lashing out for seemingly no reason; he became neglectful, maybe ignored you often. Or anything else which brings up those feelings of rejection and/or abandonment.
And you then feel thrust right back into old childhood feelings of fear, panic, terror, insecurity, SO not good enough. Maybe you blame yourself. Maybe you blame him. Maybe both.
A really, really important piece here, and I encourage everyone to do this regularly, is bring it ALL back to yourself. Whether it’s big picture things like the scenario I proposed above or whether it’s the day to day stuff I opened with, this is where your real healing lies.
When you are feeling hurt, wounded, irritated, angry, first search inside for places of tension that would cause you to feel bad. Maybe it’s chronic stuff whether from habit or injury; maybe it’s a temporary thing like a headache or tummy ache; maybe it’s hormones shifting, and this happens far more than you be aware no matter what your age.
It could be anything which is keeping you on edge whether a little or a lot. When ANY of this is going, and most of the time you may not even be aware until you actively are, you will react and respond to others in ways you might not if you felt at peace, good.
Now you can ask yourself this, and and this may be one of the most important questions to ask yourself AFTER you’ve brought things back to YOU. Where are you not being there for yourself, where are you not showing yourself love? Where are you being abusive to YOU? Where are you rejecting YOU, abandoning YOU? What is really going on in there deep inside you?
It may take some focus and some time, and it will certainly take desire, determination, and dedication to even begin to uncover and discover what you did back then to protect yourself and how you can let go of doing this in the now, yet this is where it has to begin.
ANYTHING which triggers you comes back to you. It wouldn’t bother you otherwise. The other person is the trigger, the messenger, a potential bearer of great healing for you.
And once you get yourself to a place where you are there for YOU no matter what, you will gain a clarity about yourself first but also him and the relationships you have as well. And you may find he’s not the one for you after all. OR he may start to change and heal through you, as YOU HEAL and become the man who exceeds your wildest dreams.
However this plays out, as long as you continue on your own healing path, YOU WILL increasingly feel peaceful, as love and compassion fill you more and more. If it’s not this man, then another and likely better one WILL show up to take his place.
From The Editors: We love Dominique as a person, and think she’s one of the best coaches around. She’s the ONLY coach we recommend to women who want to open their hearts and find their true selves in a deep emotional, physical, spiritual, sensual and sexual way. Start with her ebook “Sex and Heart” – and then email her for coaching for your relationship->