christian-carter-wideby Christian Carter

What is a man thinking when it seems like he’s “into you” at first, but soon after you get intimate with him, he “cools off” and starts acting distant?

How can you tell if it’s too early to sleep with a man?

And what can you do if you’ve ALREADY been physical and now he’s stopped calling for no apparent reason whatsoever?

I received an email from a reader who went through this exact situation. I think you’ll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her. This sort of dreadful situation happens with lots of women, and it leaves them feeling helpless and bad about themselves and sometimes about men in general.

So, would you like to know what’s going on with a man in this situation and how to handle it? Keep reading.

Here’s a Question From A Reader:

“Hi Christian I’ve just bought your book and I appreciated it so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex. but I’ve already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.

Now he’s acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth? I feel so disappointed about my actions. Christian, please help me. Best regards, J

***My Response I want to give you a big hug. and then a hard dose of REALITY.

Ok, listen closely. Here’s something you NEVER EVER want to forget. It’s the real truth about how most men think when it comes to sex and “dating” in casual and UNCOMMITTED relationships. Ready?

Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he’s spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future.

In other words. a man’s not going to ever “see your worth” just because you’ve slept with him. And more to the point, it is NOT the Physical Attraction a man feels for a woman, and getting close to her physically, that makes a man really “feel it” for you and want more.

Sex does NOT equal a relationship for a man.

In fact, since you don’t seem to be getting what’s going on with men at all. I’m going to tell you that you need to think of sex and relationships as two completely different things which have nothing to do with one another.

What makes a man “see your worth” and end up FEELING so strongly for you that he wants a real relationship is something other than sex and PHYSICAL desire and ATTRACTION. Got it? Ok, good. Here’s the thing. I don’t know if you see this, but you’ve moved on to wanting “something serious” right after you and he had sex- thinking that sex of course means there SHOULD be a relationship and he should feel the same way about you.

Pages: 1 2


  1. Heidi on February 12, 2012 at 6:17 am

    After reading several posts regarding Christian Carter’s articles I’m reminded of how small minded people can be. He is merely sharing his point of view based on his own life experience. Not everyone will agree with what he has to say, but keep the main point the main point. The content of his articles have nothing to do with whether or not he can write without using a fragmented sentence. He is giving trying to help women that have obviously come to him with real life concerns. I appreciate someone who can give the truth and I can respect the person who is open to hear it.

  2. DRASK on February 17, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Sex is a physical act that gives one pleasure. It does not have to be accompanied with love. However, if you are in love with someone with whom you have a sex with, the sex is tremendously enhanced because in truth, true love/sex is in the brain, not the sex organs.

  3. lyn on March 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    hey wat if your husband says u leave him in pieces wat does it mean?

  4. Jana on March 4, 2012 at 7:04 am

    So, I’m reading all this stuff on the website to help get insight, but it’s fluffy stuff. I mean, you can sleep with a man on a first date or not even and get into a relationship… or you can hold out for 5-6 dates and then sleep with a man. Bottom line is – you can’t make someone fall in love with you… but if you are meant to be you will be together. So, I decided to stop figuring out men (cause that will just drive one crazy). Instead, I try to find “good men” who have good hearts and give them a chance. And if they end up being “bad men” then I try again. Simple formula that has left me with very few broken hearts and a lot of long term relationships. I think that the advice on this website will help women who have no boundaries or who frequently end up with a string of guys who do em and leave em… If you find yourself in a bunch of love em and leave em “relationships” then the problem isn’t with the guys – it’s with YOU. The problem is with how you view yourself, relationships, your inner happiness, your personality, where you pick up your guys, etc…. So, if you want the happiest most satisfying relationship in your life – you HAVE to work on YOU FIRST!

  5. micha on January 5, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    Well my sister at 16 stole a 26 year old guy from a happy long term relationship. She told him she wants him and perused him with a vengeance , got pregnant immediately and they got married. They are happy with 3 kids and the whole bit ..22 years later. I think do whatever you feel is right. Don’t take any advice one offers except if u agree. No one lives your life except you, .

  6. Sarah on August 19, 2014 at 9:52 am

    Soo, iv known this guy call him Tom my entire life 23 nw. Known him since 14 anywho we ended up after my long term relationship deciding to just have a sexual relationship and I told him wat I wanted. So we wud hang out nd then occasionally end up in the sack. So I met this guy Ben and got serious and in-between my current relationship with Ben ! Tom wud text to see if I’m still in a relationship etc etc. Ben and I had abit of a rough patch and I after months contacted tom and then we ended up in the sack then ended up 3 more times in like a month. The thing is he knows I have Ben. He knows that Ben wants to marry me, but I always tell tom dnt get serious with me. And I can’t understand why he always likes sleeping wit me going down on me doing all god this knowing I have Ben. I’m so confused, I dono if tom sleeps with me cause he likes me or cause of the sex. Helllp

  7. Marie on January 2, 2015 at 9:47 am

    What is his book called I can’t find it.

  8. Dona on January 3, 2015 at 10:05 am

    HI Marie – It’s called “Catch Him and Keep Him.” Here is a link:
    Let us know how else we can help!
    Wishing you Better Love, Better Sex Better Life,
    Your Team at LRR

  9. Roz on April 12, 2015 at 5:13 am

    Hi, I’ve been seeing an older guy, but haven’t went the full way, he respects me, but I seem to be getting mixed signals, I’ve started to get feelings for him, but don’t know if I shud tell him.

  10. Tricia on July 5, 2015 at 3:12 pm

    I met this guy while he gave a presentation at my work. I felt so attracted to him then I sent him a message saying thanks for the presentation and ask him when he was going to have another one , so the following week after the presentation he came to see me. I called him once and he invited me to dinner and said he would like to talk to me and see me . Does he feels the same attraction as I am feeling for him? and could this lead to a healthy relationshp?

  11. FWB on April 7, 2017 at 4:28 pm

    Quite often women think that ‘friends-with-benefits’ is something that WILL make their man to upgrade them to a status of a girlfriend. But it does not always happen! It is true however, that men do fall in love with the woman they are ‘just sleeping’ with, but who is willing to take that chance? Who wants to be hurt?

Leave a Comment