by Gina Ratliffe
As a life coach, the #1 problem I see women make in relationships is: WOMEN BEING MEN.
We women spend an enormous amount of our time DOING and using masculine energy. We are so highly involved in the masculine activities of working, accomplishing, money making, providing, protecting, problem solving, etc., that we get used to surviving and even succeeding in the masculine mode. Our masculine abilities serve us well at work or with young kids, not in romance.
Since our society teaches us to revere the masculine, action oriented way, we have not only gotten out of practice at being feminine, but we have also lost our faith in its power and purpose.
To demonstrate, I was out to dinner last Thursday with my girlfriend, Tammy. As we were leaving the restaurant, she casually mentioned, I m dragging Steve to see The Way of the Peaceful Warrior with me tomorrow night. My feminine instinct felt an imbalance. It appeared she was using her masculinity to initiate, organize and drag her boyfriend to the movie.
A King is not attracted to his Queen s masculine side. Men are great at being Kings all on their own. So when a woman plays mommy with her man (providing/protecting for him like he s a child) OR when a woman is masculine with her man (initiating/directing/conquering) a man has 2 options: 1) to be weakened like a little boy or 2) to behave like he is in competition with another man.
Well sure enough, I got a call at 6:30 p.m. on Friday night from Tammy, inviting me to see the movie with her.
I asked what had happened to her boyfriend. She shared a variety of unpleasant exchanges that occurred between them…everything from him saying he couldn t go because he had to work late, to maybe he could , to okay, hurry up and get ready and let s go. After the passive-aggressive rollercoaster ride, her joy was completely lost in sharing the movie experience with him. (Not to mention the irony that the movie is called, The Peaceful Warrior!)
When women are masculine, the result that occurs is that men look elsewhere or give up and shut down emotionally. A man will get angry with the woman who he thinks disempowered him. He typically demonstrates his anger by withholding himself from his woman or domineering over her. We see Tammy s boyfriend did both.
Who of us has not been in Tammy s place? We women can be so controlling of the man we re after and the exact type of romance we want to make happen…that, try as we might, our plans just don t turn out as we d like. And then, we blame him for not showing up for us! The truth is we don t show up for us when we amputate our own femininity.
#1 Answer for a Woman s Success in Romance:
When you want to have chemistry with a man, DO NOT BE A MAN!
Our role as Queens is to be a powerful, feminine, confident and a successful counterpart to our King (or the King you re wanting to attract!) Femininity includes being insightful, creative, spiritual, intuitive, receptive, non-linear…powerful in a soft way.
Being feminine in your romantic relationship is a gift you give yourself AND your King. It allows for a beautiful balance of the masculine and feminine to coexist, dance together and unite. It also creates a valuable and powerful role for each person letting the woman be feminine and the man masculine.
We give ourselves and our man a break when we stop initiating, controlling, organizing, ordering and doing. A man loves providing for his woman. He loves making his woman happy. LET HIM! And be sure to acknowledge his efforts and voice your appreciation.
So if you ve been making the #1 mistake women make in relationships, relax. You now have the answer! Remember that men are wildly attracted to femininity. So, soften your look, your voice and the lights. Get your nails done, have flowers throughout your castle. Take great care of your body. Be wise. Let yourself enjoy being soft, lovely and graceful. Soften the inner and outer atmospheres with your femininity. It s all about being sweet not weak. Let him invite, initiate and lead. I promise you that by nurturing your femininity you will feel yourself evolve more into the woman you are designed to be…a Queen partnered with her King.
**If you would like personalized coaching to assist you in creating or enhancing your royal relationship visit gina for further details.