by Alexandra Fox
>> NOTE: “Relationship problems” often aren’t much to worry about — they often go away by themselves with enough time. But “relationship poisons” are different — they destroy the relationship more and more as time goes by!
Today we’ll be making an important distinction between the problems we all experience in our relationships. I’m pretty sure that even the best relationships out there still gets its share of problems. In one of my previous articles, I wrote about two of my personal friends, Eugene and Mary, who have shared several years of blissful marriage.
But they also have their little squabbles — often seven times a day!
Surprising, I know! How could Eugene and
Mary, my picture of the “ideal couple,” have so many arguments every single day — but still manage to enjoy a loving, nurturing, long-term relationship?
The answer is very simple. And I’d like to share the answer with all of my readers today:
Eugene and Mary know the difference between “relationship problems” — and “relationship poisons.”
Here’s my quick explanation. Eugene and Mary know that “relationship problems” are the usual disagreements, arguments, and misunderstandings that all couples go through. These “relationship problems” aren’t a big deal — just say “Oh, I’m sorry,” and it’s no longer a problem.
Just say “sorry,” and WHOOSH! It’s gone!
“Relationship poisons,” on the other hand, are VERY different.
These are the little things that lie under the surface, so to speak. Couples don’t speak about them. In fact, they may not even be aware of them!
But that makes these “poisons” all the more dangerous. Left alone, they’ll slowly eat you — and your relationship — alive.
I’ll explain further by giving three common examples of “relationship poisons.” Which of these poisons does your own relationship have?
Relationship Poison #1 – Anger
This is one of the more common “relationship poisons” I see in relationships.
By itself, anger is meant to be a good thing. It’s something Mother Nature pre-programmed every one of us to have — it’s a self-defense mechanism that’s meant to keep us from getting hurt.
But for some reason, people today get angry at the smallest things. And this can be quite dangerous, especially when you’re in a relationship!
Here’s how anger can be a “relationship poison” — when it’s rooted in your past.
You may be angry at how you were brought up, or at how you were bullied in school, or at how unfairly your ex-boyfriend may have treated you.
When you’re still angry at an ex-boyfriend, then your anger is rooted in the past. And this anger CAN keep you from enjoying a healthy relationship with your current boyfriend.
Because you’ll CONSTANTLY be watching out for the very things your ex-boyfriend did that made you angry.
And when your current boyfriend does them, even by accident, you tend to get TOO angry at him.
And yes, it’s not good for the relationship. It’s VERY poisonous.
So the next time you feel angry at your boyfriend, ask yourself — are you poisoning your relationship without knowing it?
Relationship Poison #2 – Selfishness
Selfishness is another common relationship poison.
Just spend a few hours watching TV these days, and you get bombarded by ads for products that encourage you to buy, eat, drink, look good, etc.
In other words, these days, the message is going around — that the ultimate purpose of life is to FEEL GOOD.
Sure, feeling good is okay. It’s just that “feeling good” has the nasty side effect of making you more and more selfish. (Is it any wonder that rich, famous celebrities seem to have a lot of trouble when it comes to love and relationships?)
Selfishness is a VERY dangerous “relationship poison.”
When you always focus on YOUR happiness, on YOUR side of the argument, on YOUR end of the bargain, then you’re putting all sorts of negative emotions into the relationship.
Obviously, he’ll start feeling unhappy and short-changed. He’ll start feeling that you’re treating him unfairly.
Here’s a tip I love to give to my readers — your relationship isn’t supposed to be a “give-and-take” thing.
It’s supposed to be “GIVE AND GIVE!”
If you and your boyfriend love each other so much that you can’t help but keep GIVING to each other, then there’ll be no need to TAKE anything from each other.
And I believe that’s a much better way to make a relationship grow!
Get rid of selfishness. Start thinking of him. Start thinking of other people.
Start thinking of the world, the environment, the hungry orphans. There’s so much work to be done — no sense wasting time focusing on your own selfish wants!
Relationship Poison #3 – Fear
Yes, even FEAR is a relationship poison no matter how you look at it! There are MANY kinds of fear you can feel when you’re in the dating game.
There’s the fear of rejection. You may be hesitating to ask him certain questions because you’re afraid you’ll turn him off.
There’s the fear of commitment. You may not be 100% sure that you WANT a serious relationship — so you dilly-dally.
There’s the fear of being alone. You hate the idea of being single so much that you do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to make the relationship work — and end up doing too much.
The list goes on.
I’m telling you — fear has no place in a relationship.
Fear is a poison, plain and simple. Do you think he would fall in love with you if you were filled with so much fear?
Nope. Just as much as you’d like a fearless, confident man for your boyfriend, he’d also want a fearless, confident woman as his girlfriend!
So get rid of this “relationship poison” named fear. It shouldn’t be so hard — vast majority of the things you worry about never happen, anyway!
What’s YOUR Personal Relationship Poison?
If your relationship always seems to have problems, it could be because it’s being poisoned from the inside.
And unless you get rid of these “relationship poisons,” then your situation will ALWAYS get worse and worse.
But here’s some good news:
No matter how “poisoned” your relationship may already be, there’s always the possibility of HEALING it.
Yup, it’s entirely possible. It’s just that I’ve realized that SO MANY WOMEN today seem to find it really, really hard to fix their “poisoned” relationships.
That’s exactly the reason I decided to devote one of my special programs, the 77 Secrets To Save Your Relationship, entirely to fixing the problem!
It’s simply disheartening to hear about all the women out there who go through bad break-ups simply because they didn’t know how to save their relationships.
And judging by the stories I hear (and read, via your e-mails), most of these relationships could have been saved!
So, do me a favor — don’t be a statistic. If you want to save your relationship, you CAN — but you’ll need to know how to get rid of its poisons first!
To find out how, click on the link below to learn my 77 Secrets To Save Your Relationship!
From LoveRomanceRelationship: Alexandra is the author of the well-loved book “77 Secrets to Make Him Love You” among others. Visit her webpage to find out about her book and learn from more of her fabulous advice about avoiding love mistakes–>>