carol.jpgby Carol Allen

I talked to a woman today going through something soooo painful. She’s been seeing a new man for just a few months. Everything was going blissfully well. He was calling all the time, taking her to amazing places, and showering her with attention. They laughed easily, agreed on almost everything, and shared incredible chemistry.

He has EVERYTHING she’s been wanting in a man – ambitious, warm, attractive, with a great job and a bright future… She was just sure this was THE GUY. HER GUY… They were falling in love.

But then – something TERRIBLE happened. Two of his closest friends BOTH told him they don’t like her, and they don’t understand why he’s with her.

YIKES. And, instead of telling them to BUZZ OFF, and reassuring her that he’s HIS OWN MAN, he’s become withdrawn, unavailable, and shut down. DOUBLE YIKES.

So what did she do? What ANY woman would have done. She’s become anxious, insecure, and upset. She’s just sure he’s going to break up with her, and she doesn’t know how to win his love back. So she called me. And here’s what I think.

I think they’re actually having a conflict of GENDER. Here’s why. All of us have a masculine side, and a feminine side. As women, we have tons of feminine hormones that make us more sensitive, intuitive, and emotional. But often, men have lots of these qualities as well. Men have tons of masculine hormones that make them proactive, assertive, and competitive.

But often, women display lots of these behaviors, too.

Here’s where it has to do with astrology… Amazingly, although you can tell almost everything about a person from their astrology chart – the one thing you cannot know is their gender. Isn’t that interesting? Two people born at the same time in the same location will have essentially the same chart. But you cannot tell from their charts if they are two girls, two boys, or a boy and a girl. (Or two hermaphrodites – hey, it could happen… :) So – although you cannot tell who’s PHYSICALLY male or female, you can see if a person is more EMOTIONALLY one or the other.

You see, all of the signs of the zodiac are either male or female. The masculine signs make a person proactive, positive, and inclined to initiate things and “stay the course.” Feminine signs, on the other hand – are the opposite. They make a person more passive, feeling- oriented, and inclined to respond TO things that happen, as opposed to MAKING THEM HAPPEN.

You can tell if a person is more masculine or feminine especially by how they respond in a crisis. If they tend to RETREAT and get stuck in their emotions, and do nothing to fix the situation at hand – they are feminine. If, on the other hand, they leap to action and “take care of business,” fixing the problem without becoming overly emotional – they’re masculine. If they need to be comforted and attended to – they’re feminine. If they want to take care of and reassure others – they’re masculine.

So here’s where it has to do with the couple in the story above. When I heard my client’s sad tale of woe today, I told her they were both wanting to be the FEMININE partner. She was wanting him to comfort her and take care of her feelings, and stand up to the people in his life – but he was wanting to retreat into his mixed emotions about it all and pretend it never happened.

When she would try to talk about things, he would cut her off, unable to deal with her feelings. Everything he did (and didn’t do) told me that he was being emotionally feminine. So, where does that leave her?

When a man is being emotionally feminine, a woman has a couple of choices. She can try to be “the better woman” by talking to him about her FEELINGS and asking for him to take a specific action (in this case, reassure her and recommit to the relationship). Or, seeing that he’s collapsed into his feminine side, she can become “the better man” and offer him support, and try to solve whatever is wrong.

She can say, “Wow – I’m so sorry your friends feel that way. You must be so uncomfortable now. What a terrible position you are in. Please let me know what I can do to help.” She can rise above her feelings, and make sure his feelings COME FIRST.

You see, the feminine person’s feelings MUST come first. Once they get their feelings taken care of then they take care of the masculine person’s feelings, too. But typically, not before…

This is such a HUGELY important topic that it comes up in all kinds of ways. I talked to another client that was going through something along these lines yesterday. She’s been living with a guy going through a terrible divorce. He has a son that has a great deal of emotional problems, and she kept asking that he get his child counseling. He would agree, but then do nothing.

He didn’t separate his finances from his wife’s – leaving his name on her bank account, only to have her go into tremendous debt and overdraw that account by many thousands of dollars that he’s now responsible for. She would ask him to take care of these issues and he’d agree – but then do nothing.

The other day he informed her he was moving out – without giving her any warning or involving her in the decision. All of this was him being PASSIVE. She was always trying to get him to TAKE ACTION. It’s easy for her, but hard for him. So, in the end she felt unsafe and unloved.

He simply wasn’t man enough for her… As I said, this can all be seen in the stars. In my reports and programs I can help you discover which energy dominates your chart. But the most important thing is the sign the Moon was in when you were born, because the Moon reflects your emotions, and how you RELATE.

As I said, each of the signs is either masculine or feminine. But it gets more specific than that. You see, there are twenty-seven sub-signs within the signs, called “nakshatras” or constellations. It’s these signs I’m referring to when I say, “the TRUE love zodiac…” The most important thing to consider in relationships is the constellation of your Moon sign.

And each constellation has a gender. Not only that – each constellation has an INSTINCTIVE NATURE that reflects how you respond to a crisis. It’s indicated by an animal symbol. And each animal symbol is either masculine or feminine, as well. So, your sign, constellation, and animal symbol each have a gender…

So – you can have you Moon in a masculine sign, but a feminine constellation, that has a MALE animal symbol. (And, because your animal symbol reflects your instinctive nature, this has a great deal to do with your sex life, too…) What does that mean? It means, when you come down to it, in a crisis you will respond from the gender of your animal symbol. And there’s a little compatibility rule in Vedic astrology.

You and a man are happiest if ONE of you is masculine, and one of you is feminine. If you’re BOTH masculine you’ll have power struggles and fight over “who’s on top.” If you’re both feminine, you’ll tend to not have enough energy between you, and could become stagnant as a couple over time, both emotionally and sexually. (Uh oh…) When your chart is more male than a man’s you MUST make his feelings come first.

When it’s more feminine, you can have more of a traditional relationship, and have him attend to your feelings first. And it’s SO helpful to know. Because, truthfully, if your nature is male, you’ll be happiest with a man whose nature is female. You just have to know how to handle it… In the case of my client, lots of coaches might have told her that he was being selfish, unsupportive, and immature. And while that may be true, I was able to see that her chart is more male than his.

So, if she approaches things from her male side, offering him reassurance and validating his feelings above her own, it will make him feel good with her again. And then his better qualities will come back, and he’ll find the strength to be fully in the relationship once more. But if she keeps wanting him to FIX the problem for her, and make her feelings come first it will likely be a long, cold wait, and she just might lose him. Get it?

This issue of gender is so important that I could do a whole program just on this very topic (hmmm, maybe I will…). If you notice you always attract more nurturing men who are sensitive, creative, and sweet, but who aren’t “going for the gusto” in their lives, so you have a hard time respecting them, it could be because you’re emotionally male so attract men who are not.

Or, if you always attract ALPHA males but then just have constant power struggles and ego battles with them – it could be because you’re emotionally male as well, but so are they. On the other hand, if you easily lose yourself in relationships, but aren’t happy without one – you are probably emotionally feminine.

To find out what to do about it all (because if you’re more male, you could use some help learning how to inspire a man’s more masculine side, and if you’re more feminine you could use a little help not getting so lost in your feelings…) visit me at And may God and HER planets and stars shower you with love!

Carol Allen
From Sarah: Carol has great help for you – and not just about Astrology – she’s a fabulous relationship coach with a huge following and so many success stories – her letters and reports are amazing –Go right here to get her free newsletters->


  1. Tanya on December 13, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    Thanks for the informative article Carol. Astrology can be very helpful when it comes to finding the right person. Your explanation clarified alot for me and I am going to be sure to find out where the Moon is placed in the charts of the men who I date starting now. You have helped me find a whole new way to look at prospective relationships.

  2. Stacy on January 13, 2009 at 10:53 am

    This is such an amazing article! I am currently separated from my husband and have been trying to figure out how we can be so different when it comes to fixing our issues. Now I know! I’m bookmarking this article and emailing it to him. Thank you so much!

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