by Editor Sarah
Most of us here at LoveRomanceRelationship have some experience with a long distance relationship – one friend of mine got married within 2 months of starting one, and another (and she lives in a small town in a very lightly populated part of the country) is just about to be married – after only 6 weeks of knowing the guy through online dating – she’s engaged!) – and still, most of long distance relationship is longing and discomfort and frustration and…pain.
We want to offer you some support and help for the tougher times – maybe YOUR long distance relationship will be one (like those of my two friends) that works!
Let’s say…he’s just left the city, and your short time together is over for a good while.
Thoughts of spending the weekend together keep replaying in your head, and images of his warm smile and warmth as he holds you in his arms flood every fiber of your being.
You can feel his presence so strongly, it feels like he’s still here with you.
All the incredible feelings you experienced with one another feel like they’ll be there forever. The closeness, the sex, the passion, the emotional intimacy – the sheer joy of being in love fell like they’ll stay forever in your heart.
And then that feeling goes away.
The pleasant thoughts quickly vanish as soon as it actually becomes clear that he’s actually gone. He’s back to his home. He’s now back to phone and skype.
What you’re suddenly looking forward to is a few minutes in contact with him – whenever that works out – and the rest of the time alone, with friends, working, running errands while you’re thinking about him.
While you’re thinking about how long it’s going to be until you see him again.
And like so many long distance romances, you know that each time you see him, each encounter – will only lasts for a brief period. And then the frustration and loneliness and wondering where this relationship is GOING starts in again.
The Pain of Love In A Long Distance Relationship
A long distance relationship can be extremely painful and emotionally unstable.
Moments with him are magical, and then to be without him is unbearably painful.
Many times you wonder why you allow yourself to encounter the massive pain, but then as you meet him upon arrival at the airport terminal, you’re filled with unspeakable joy and goose bumps. There isn’t a greater feeling on earth!
What happens is – you’re like a bouncing ball – bouncing from pleasure to pain, then pleasure, then pain…a never-ending cycle.
And that’s how it is, as long as you stay a long distance relationship.
So what is the easiest way you can deal with this ongoing roller coaster of emotions?
The easiest way is to change how you perceive the whole situation.
It’s the only way.
Understand why you’ve got a long distance romance. His profession, your family, his personal commitments, your situation, etc.
If living in his city is better for his financial career, or your health, etc. Then there are many good reasons why you’re in this situation.
If You’re Actually Willing To Stay In This Long Distance Relationship For Now – Don’t Occupy Yourself With The Pain
If you understand why things are the direction they are between you, it’s only logical that you shouldn’t have to feel sad and lonely about it.
But – of course you do! You’re human! You’re a WOMAN for goodness sake!
Getting it straight in your head what you’re doing with this man in this situation – and how it’s going to look one or two years from now – is only the first step.
It may be difficult sometimes to face things, but you will need to keep talking to yourself and talking to your man to really know, continually – if this long distance relationship has a plan for a future that’s based in reality – or if it’s something imaginary you’re enduring and keeping going that neither of you really expect to “happen.”
You don’t want to be “rationalizing” why you’re doing this over and over again.
You, as a woman, are an “emotional creature” – and it makes no sense for you to try to get all “non-emotional” about this.
Don’t keep making excuses or rationalizing the purpose behind things. You need ALL your qualities of feeling who you are and what you want, and ALL your qualities of thinking clearly to make the most out of this.
Daily heartache from missing him and not knowing how this is going to play out down the line hurts. Having as many opportunities as possible to go to your man on the phone or on Skype helps – and yet, you don’t want to sweep long-range plans and fears and hopes under the rug.
If you can focus on being happy with what you have with this man right now – that will help. The happier you can be – the clearer you’ll feel.
I love this book by Michael Webb – “1000 Questions For Couples” – I think it works for EVERYTHING about relationship, because it’s about KNOWING your man – and, even more important – helping him know YOU!! It’s a way to get deeper into the relationship without triggering each other’s fears of intimacy or smothering him, or pushing him. Take a look at it, and see how you can use “1000 Questions” to bridge the distance for now, and built a BETTER bridge for your relationship every day until you can be together permanently. Go here to get some soothing help for your long distance relationship—>