by Christian Carter
Special Note: If you’re casually dating a man, and it’s been a while and you still haven’t had “the talk”, you might be in for trouble when you do.
Because this is the exact moment when lots of women accidentally kill the attraction and interest that was building, and turn a man off from a more committed relationship.
Isn’t that crazy, by the way?
By trying to talk to a man about your relationship, you actually end up making things worse and he withdraws.
It doesn’t have to work this way.
If you’ve found that the men you’re dating always seem to be “commitment-phobes”, then it’s time to start considering that you also might be doing something that triggers the common male response to RUN.
The truth is, most men want relationships – but they’re straight-out terrified of committing to the wrong woman who they feel is going to make life HARDER for them.
When most women end up talking about or wanting a commitment BEFORE a man does, it almost always creates negative conflict and unnecessary heartache.
Don’t let this happen to you, when you could avoid the trap of having your man withdraw from you.
I recently received two very interesting questions from readers who are having trouble understanding what their man is thinking and, more importantly, what they should do about it.
If you’re dating or in a relationship with a man who doesn’t seem to know what he wants, because he tells you you’re “amazing” one minute but doubts your “future together” the next…
If you have a great connection with a man you met online but you haven’t met IN PERSON yet and you’re wondering how much to trust his “feelings” for you…
You won’t want to miss reading this insight-filled email.
The Dating Game
>>>>Letter From A Reader
I dated a guy for exactly one year–three times during that year he ended our relationship citing I deserved better, or more and that he just can’t commit to anyone.
He had a terrible marriage and married her twice. We both have children and agreed they wouldn’t be brought into this unless we felt there was a future together. Not long after, HE introduced me to his children–much to my surprise, then he met mine and they all met each other. Everything was so incredible.
Three weeks ago he came over and said we needed to talk.
He told me that for the first time in his life he had glimmers of feelings for someone (me) and how amazing I am with his kids and it blows him away– how he had never had such a sense of peace in life than when with me. He told me how great we are together, how everything we do is so amazing.
He stayed the night and in the morning, he ended our relationship–again saying I deserved more, he didn’t think he could commit to me and that his gut feeling told him I wasn’t the one for him!?? I have never pressured him in any way for commitment-just monogamy, which is what he wanted and was the first to bring that up when we decided to date exclusively.
I know that morning, I put him on the spot because after a year I was more than a little tired of the roller coaster ride I was on with him starting and ending things- he always ended them after we had an amazing weekend together. I told him that morning that I had fallen in love with him, but I agreed that if he didn’t want to be with me, then it was best to end it.
I want to be with someone who wants to be with me -he said he was on the fence. I am completely heart broken. He has called me almost every day since. He is very flirtatious on the phone, and we have seen each other twice. The second time he spent the night. Again, he told me how great we are together, yet this week he has been a little more aloof.
Is there anything I can do? Ending my marriage of 10 years was a cakewalk compared to being without him. I really need to hear from you if you get the chance. Please, I am begging for your help.
I have a couple of ideas about what’s going on here.
First, I think you made the right move when you told him that it was best to end things if he was acting like he didn’t want to be with you.
That’s because the LAST thing you want to do when a man is acting like he doesn’t know what he wants is to try to CONVINCE him that he should want YOU.
Now, let me offer you a little bit of insight here about what your boyfriend might be thinking.
You say that he keeps telling you that you’re “amazing” over and over, but he just can’t COMMIT to you.
What this man is telling you is that he is very ATTRACTED to you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to have a real, committed RELATIONSHIP with you.
Here’s where a lot of women get confused.
And I don’t blame them, actually.
Men can be confusing.
One minute you’re “amazing” and the next minute, they’re pushing you away.
What’s up with that??!
What’s confusing to many women is the idea that a man can be attracted to you, want to be physical with you, and may even express some kind of “feelings” for you, but may NOT want to have a FUTURE with you.
But that can happen. And that seems to be EXACTLY what’s going on here.
He may like spending time with you and being intimate with you, but isn’t interested in taking things further than that – for whatever reason.
Your boyfriend enjoys your company and the way you make him feel “at peace”, but he ISN’T experiencing the kind of GUT-LEVEL attraction and the kind of feelings he needs to have in order to want to make a life-long commitment to you.
He’s probably having doubts about a long-term relationship with you.
He may be asking himself if it’s the right time.
If you’re the right woman.
If his life would be better with you, than without you.
And then there’s the matter of him breaking it off with you, but continuing to call and wanting