By Rori Raye

Have you ever felt confused by a man who comes on strong in the first few weeks, but then gets distant for no reason? You’re confused because you don’t know if it’s something you said, something about him, something going on in his life, or what. Since you don’t know what’s wrong, it’s impossible for you to know how to fix it or how to feel relaxed about the situation.

When a man gets distant for no reason, it could just be the natural ebb and flow of how a man feels inside of a relationship. But it can also be something you’re doing, or his lack of relationship skills.

When they’re confused by a man, women spend so much time and energy trying to figure out what’s going on with the man that they forget completely about themselves, and the fact that they’re focusing so much attention on him actually pushes a man away more. When a man is withdrawing, it is not the time to start giving a lot, or paying more attention to him and what he may or may not be getting from you.

I know this is completely counter-intuitive, but when a man is pulling away, no matter what it looks like, this is the time for you to receive. It is the time for you to open yourself up to receive love, affection and understanding.

This may sound completely the opposite of what you want to do, but it actually feels warm, sexy and mesmerizing to a man when you give him that space to come to you. A withdrawing man is used to a woman putting out vibes that are insecure, needy and hopeful – so actually “leaning back” and allowing him to give will feel unexpected to him.

So why does a man withdraw in the first place?

Possible Scenarios for Why You Might Be Confused by a Man:

He’s not ready for a real relationship with you.

He realizes that though he may like you a lot — maybe even love you — he’s just plain not ready for a real relationship right now, or he doesn’t feel that you’re his “one.”

You’re putting out the wrong vibe.

He’s into you, but the vibe that you’re putting out toward him is so strong, it feels needy, angry, desperate, controlling or overwhelming to him. He’s instinctively trying maintain the emotional distance he needs in order to feel safe and comfortable with you.

If you handle your negative emotions by lecturing, complaining, teaching, or with an expression of constant disappointment in the way he is or the way he behaves, he may simply be trying to get away from you.

He’s a toxic man.

You’re confused by a man because he’s just playing with you, whether he knows it or not, or he is simply incapable of a real relationship.

Things have stalled and the emotional connection isn’t going any deeper.

Instead of building intimacy, you’re staying within each of your own comfort levels. Things are nice, but not thrilling. He may like you, but he just hasn’t been pulled over the edge into falling in love with you. He’s afraid of leading you on and feels guilty about it.

What to Do If You’re Confused by a Man

So how do you solve the problem of a man withdrawing? First, get a new attitude. Instead of thinking in terms of what you have to do in order for him to love you, you have to start believing in your amazing beauty and power, and focus instead on what he has to do and what you have to feel in his presence in order for you to want him! He is the suitor here, not you. You are the prize. This means really believing in yourself, focusing on yourself, and trusting your boundaries. This combination of outer expression and inner strength is irresistible to a man.

From Sarah: You can find out more about how to do what works to make a man fall in love with you and avoid doing the things that actually push a man away by signing up for Rori Raye’s free newsletters. They’re filled with proven Tools she developed to turn her own love life around many years ago, Tools she still uses every day and teaches to her clients how to use. You can deeply connect with a man and get the deep, committed love and romance you want. Take a look at her ebook “Have The Relationship You Want” if you’re feeling confused by a man->

1 Comment

  1. Maya on July 28, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    This is so true, you are so right, the only hard part for me is that I fell in love with him, all of him, as stupid and rude as he can be, and as sweet and beautiful as he is.. I accept that it may not work out, because he said he doesn’t want a relationship right now, and he just broke up after being cheated on and the girl moved in with someone after 3 weeks. So I understand there is almost no chance.. I dated other men, and I kissed one of them I liked a lot, but.. at that moment the only person I could think of is him, it brought tears to my eyes, hurted me so much. On the other hand I am not jealous he is dating someone else. I am not stalking him or texting or any of that.. I do give him back to the univers and I know he is not mine, but I can’t move on, I think of him and I miss him every day all day, even at work, at the club, no matter what I do, I feel incomplete, and it’s been exactly a month that is over. Letting go of a man you love is like letting go of a brother or a child.

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