couple-at-counter-woman-gazingCo-dependency is a term heard commonly these days.

Often, it involves a partner with substance abuse problems.

A codependent relationship is defined by the codependent who, in the case of alcoholics, is the partner that tries to save the alcoholic from alcohol and themselves.

However a codependent relationship need not be confined to that kind of relationship.

A codependent relationship may also come in the form of being an overly generous and helpful friend or lover.

Co-dependents are all about caring for another person instead of caring for themselves.

Changing this doesn’t mean that we should ignore someone when they are in need. It’s about not trying to make changes for someone when they need to make those changes for themselves.

The type of caring involved in a codependent relationship takes away another’s personal power and decisions over life.

A true and genuine care for someone does not overstep these boundaries but rather encourages them. Letting people make their own decisions, even if they are the wrong ones, enables people to grow and make healthy life changes.

The co-dependents in a codependent relationship need to focus on their own troubles in life.

Learning to take responsibility for one’s own feelings is the key ingredient to a healthy relationship.

Being conscious of what you are feeling and being open to change is something that we must all learn. Otherwise, we tend to feel like we are a victim to others, that it is the other that creates the feelings within. Blaming others for our own lack of self-knowledge can lead to major relationship problems.

Many people may discover the same problems recurring in each of their relationships if they don’t make any changes in their life. Roles may get reversed but the same problems still occur – anger, lack of intimacy, resentment, feeling unloved and unloving.

The way to change this is to realize that a relationship heals once the individual does.

In a co-dependent relationship, one person tends to control the life of the other before taking care of herself.

In a healthy relationship, the only person to control is one’s self.

The ability to feel, decide and change lies in one’s self and not in someone else’s. Learning this is key to making any relationship work.

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