relationshipby Dominique

What does it mean when the same sorts of situations seem to show up for you frequently, seemingly over and over again?

Why are you attracting this into your life? Are you hooked, addicted to these patterns? Are you finding comfort in the familiar even if it feels bad? Is there something here asking for your attention?

I will answer yes to all of these questions.

When these things arise repeatedly, it’s more often than not the universe offering you a lesson in this sort of package, a message, and expressly FOR YOU, asking you to dig down deeply and see what needs to be healed around whatever this is, your own personal reminder.

The universe is infinitely patient, and if there is a lesson for you to learn, this same lesson will keep appearing for you, maybe in varied guise, but the feelings around it will feel much the same.

And until you get your light bulb moment (or maybe a creeping realization over time) and you finally come to understand that this is something for you to look at within yourself, unearth, reveal, release, and heal, or at least relegate to a more reasonable location inside your psyche, these lessons will keep showing up, sometimes hitting you firmly upside the head.

And when you finally tire of the bumps and bruises, you WILL pay heed.

You know though that it’s not really outside forces doing this to you, bringing you these repeating patterns to grab your attention. It’s really you, your deep inner, wise, knowing self, your heart self asking you to deal with these things, to heal, to grow, to feel better, to love, yourself and others.

A smaller, less life impacting example though one which can REALLY get to very many women is to discover much to your amazement and maybe even horror that your man has seemingly uncaring ways and mannerisms when it comes to cleanliness/tidiness. He’s actually kind of a slob whether it’s in a big way or small. He drops his clothes on the floor when he changes, or maybe he leaves his used dishes in the sink if you’re lucky, if not, in the living room or worse the bedroom, or maybe he leaves his mail or other papers laying strewn about.

When you see this, you can feel your blood start to boil. You may angrily pick them up, huffing and puffing the entire time. You may curse him. You take it personally, wondering if he’s purposely trying to goad you, or he just doesn’t care about you or love you enough to do this ONE thing which bugs you SO much.

And he can feel your prickliness, daggers, lightening bolts miles away. This could by the way cause him to do it even more, not consciously though. Please take note of this. It’s important.

But I have to ask you why are you picking up after him? Why are you letting this get to you? As long as he’s meeting your needs, loving on you the way you love in every other way, is this really all that important? What is the lesson here for you? Yes I know, you hate a dirty, messy house. You just want him to be like you in this regard, right?

But he isn’t. This stuff doesn’t bother him at all. It only bothers you.

So you can look at this in two different ways. It will take you seconds, at the most minutes to grab his dirty dishes or clothes as you walk by.

Or you can choose to close your eyes to what normally bothers you, and when he runs out of clean clothes because they are still all over and not in the hamper where they will get readily washed, or when he runs out of clean dishes, then MAYBE he MIGHT change his ways and take to being more conscientious about these things, BUT there are no guarantees.

I can tell you from direct experience that I chose the former option and never let his messiness get to me. I stayed on top of the potential for this because it bothered ME, not him, ME. Picking his things up as I walked by was worth the extra few seconds, and it was just that, mere seconds.

I accepted that this is who he is, and I wasn’t going to let it bother me. And you know over time and all on his own with no input from me, he began to do this himself. Most of the time. What a lovely surprise. He’s not perfect in it, but since I never expect it, and I love him, and accept him regardless, he has stepped up in this regard.

This may or may not happen for you, but it’s certainly worth a try, and regardless, you will not be dwelling on what he is or isn’t doing anymore anyway, those things that you used to think he “should” do.

So what would the lesson be? What might need healing here for you? I think the big take-aways here are learning to keep your heart open and vulnerable regardless if you feel irritated or hurt or angry. AND it’s allowing others to be themselves, letting go of rigidity, embracing your differences, healing your narrow sighted view of how the world/men “should” be with you.

And in doing so, they DO change. Let go of the expectations, and you get what you originally wanted much of the time, but if you don’t, it won’t matter anyway because you DID NOT expect it.

From The Editors: We love Dominique as a person, and think she’s one of the best coaches around. She’s the ONLY coach we recommend to women who want to open their hearts and find their true selves in a deep emotional, physical, spiritual, sensual and sexual way. Start with her ebook “Sex and Heart” – and then email her for coaching for your relationship->

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