by Orna and Matthew Walters
Here’s a question from Andrea – something that’s SO common and you might identify with:
My ex and I were trying to work things out in our relationship, and I made the mistake of calling/texting more than I should have. I sent him a message and asked if we could fix things, or if we should just let things go. He never replied.
I called three days later, and left a message telling him I had a solution to our relationship problem, and if he wanted to try things out, to call or text. I also told him if he didn’t want to, that I could understand.
I haven’t had any contact with him since then, and we haven’t spoken for almost two weeks.
Should I just assume it’s completely over, or does he just need space? And should I continue the no contact rule, or can I contact him since it’s been a while?
Our Relationship Experts’ Response:
Please open up some space for compassion with yourself. It sounds to us like you are beating yourself up for your behavior – you cannot say or do the wrong thing with the right person.
You can try to second guess what you need to say or do to get him to respond, or you can even begin to imagine what may or may not be going on with him. However, none of those actions are going to be helpful. He is telling you what he desires through his actions. It is time for you to take care of yourself and do the things that nourish you.
The way to heal is to look at the reasons behind your behavior. What is it that you were attempting to receive by calling/texting him?
Security? Approval? Control?
Ultimately, this is really a great opportunity for you to learn and grow and be available to receive the love you seek in a relationship.
You Are the Security, Approval and Control that You Look for in a Relationship
Knowing your core motivation for your behavior is the first place to begin to shift it. Security, approval and control are things that we can never receive from another person. We get into trouble when we try to seek these outside of ourselves. You are, and you have everything you need inside of you. There is nothing this man has that will make you more complete than you already are.
When you really embrace your own perfection, then you can attract a new level of man who will be able to communicate with you what he needs and desires. Until then, realize that most men will share with you what they desire through their actions.
When a man truly desires to be with you in a relationship, then he will pursue you. He will initiate. A passive man is not invested in the relationship. So, release yourself from the need to please him and take care of yourself.
From Sarah: Orna and Matthew are the real deal! Together, they’re giving the most powerful relationship advice and deep help we know of – we just love them. They walk their talk – their relationship and marriage is a testament to the work they do – you’ll want to go here to read their incredible personal story and check out their amazing ebook – Get Your Mr. Right->