by Orna and Matthew Walters
“Dear Orna and Matthew,
In every relationship I’m in, I can’t seem to not cheat on my partner. Sometimes I cheat and end up realizing I no longer want to be with my partner, but other times I cheat but still have deep feelings for my partner. Many times my relationships will start off monogamous, but the thrill of new sexual relations eventually catch up to me and I need to have a new lover. Am I cheating all the time simply because I haven’t found true love yet? Or is something wrong with me? Olivia”
Orna and Matthew’s Answer:
First off we’d like to thank you for being so vulnerable in asking this question and being so open about your behavior.
It sounds to us like this is a self-sabotaging behavior and all self-sabotage comes from being out of rapport with oneself. Let’s be clear about one thing up front: Our behavior does not suddenly change because we’ve found “true love.” We only “find” true love when we have cleared the path inside of us to receive it.
Figuring Out Why You Cheat
The “thrill of new sexual relations” is the place that we’d like to focus our answer on. Ask yourself what exactly about new sexual exploits is exciting to you? There can be a chemical addiction to the excitement of “new sex”. We know that having sex releases endorphins and cheating can add in an adrenaline rush that makes the sex even more powerful. You might want to seek out help for a sexual addiction.
We can also explore what benefit you are receiving from this behavior. What do you receive (that is positive) from continually hooking up with a new partner vs. staying in a monogamous relationship? There is a positive intent behind this sabotaging behavior that is driving you to continually cheat. If you want to change this behavior then it is time to do the deep inner work necessary to break the cycle.
You Cheat Because of Yourself, Not Because of Your Relationship
It may be that this feeling of “excitement” is actually blocking you from having real intimacy. Sex can be an intimate act, but just because we are having sex does not mean that the sex is intimate. Do you have any fears with long-term monogamous relationships? Maybe a fear of becoming too vulnerable, or too responsible to one person drives you to cheat on your partner?
Whatever your motivations, now is the time to look at your behavior and discover what is driving you. This won’t change from finding the right man. It will only change when you take responsibility for what you are doing and do the work to change it.
From Sarah – Orna and Matthew are fabulous – their personal stories are so powerfully like yours they will give you hope, Tools, and step-by-step guidance to have the amazing love they have in their terrific audio and ebook program Get Your Mr. Right. If they could do it – you can…and they show you how. Check them out if you’re suffering relationship stress or the temptation to cheat–>>