by Orna and Matthew Walters
A Relationship Question from Amisha:
My boyfriend behaves in a very condescending manner. He keeps telling me what to do, how to do it and how not to!(yawn) He does not think I am capable of an intellectual conversation. If I ever say anything which demonstrates my knowledge of any political news or a sports related topic, he says ‘obviously’ in a patronizing way. Also he is highly competitive and unfortunately, competes with me too. I have told him that I don’t want a dad or a grandpa in the guise of a lover but he has laughed this off. Does he think that I should be some ‘pretty bimbo’? Other than this habit, he is a good man. What should I do in this situation?- Regards, Amisha
The Reply from our Relationship Experts Orna And Matthew
We don’t mean to sound harsh here, but let’s be clear – you write to us as if your boyfriend is your dog with a bad habit. Asking us how you can “fix” him so he’s a right fit for you is a bit silly.
We don’t get a sense of you in this question at all, other than you feel that being treated disrespectfully is the equivalent of a “bad habit.”
If you are not feeling loved or respected in this relationship, then why are you in it?
If you wish to dig deep so you can feel loved, its time to look within and be honest with yourself.
A Relationship for You
Decide on the kind of relationship you wish to be in – from your true heart’s desire (not from what you believe is possible for you). If you want to be in a partnership, then you set the ground rules and do not settle.
If you are determined to see if this relationship is worth “fixing” then start by communicating with feeling messages. Take responsibility for your feelings and offer a solution. Here’s a template:
“I feel ___________.”
“When you ____________”
“Can we please . . . “ (offer your solution here)
“Would you please. . . “ (offer a solution in the form of a request)
See if your current boyfriend has the ability to step up and make changes with you. If not then it is time to move on to a new relationship.
From Sarah: Orna and Matthew are the only couple working together coaching women on relationships getting the amazing kind of results I personally know they’re getting – you’ll LOVE their ebook-plus-audio program Get Your Mr. Right – it will turn around EVERYTHING you believed about getting the lifelong love you want and help you so fast it’s incredible – just check out Get Your Mr. Right here to get the relationship you want->