Have you always easily had an orgasm during sex, or at least mostly so when suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, it just doesn’t happen no matter what you do, and you ask yourself despairingly, “Am I broken?”
And then you feel increasingly anxious, compounding the “problem”?
You try to let it go, but the next time you have sex, this hovers in the back of your mind. You worry. And there’s no way orgasm is coming because you’re in too much of a state.
Maybe now you’re developing some serious performance anxiety, feeling like Samantha in the Sex and the City episode when she lost her mojo and spent the ENTIRE day at home with her vibrator trying to coax an orgasm to no avail.
I have been in that place of angst, unsure if it’s temporary or if I don’t “work” anymore.
Whenever You Wonder, “Am I Broken?” Know This about Orgasm:
- Your hormones shift and change. You know this, but what you may not know is that they can GREATLY affect your sexual response and ability to come to orgasm. Hormones can dull sensation to the point where not only do you feel little, a touch can almost feel repellent.
Hormones can also enhance feelings to the point where you are singing hallelujah, lost in incomparable bliss. These changes can occur within your monthly cycle as well as throughout your life cycle.
- You have normal and natural fluctuations aside from your hormones, bio-rhythms. These rhythms which are unique to you can dampen OR elevate sensation and/or desire.
- You have day to day stresses be they good feeling, bad feeling, or indifferent feeling, all of which can distract you.
- You can just be plain too tired for orgasm.
Remember, a woman’s brain is her biggest erogenous zone. A tiny thought can put out your fire faster than a bucket of ice cold water, or it can spark a raging inferno.
Women are generally far more sensitive to any and all of these things.
And then sometimes it just IS. If she’s sleeping or seeming to be in a coma, she’s likely just taking a little nap, and there doesn’t have to be a reason why. She can have a mind of her own just as much if not more than a man’s member.
And if you can simply be with this being-ness, all will re-balance and very soon. The more you worry about it, the more elusive orgasm will be.
So the next time you think, “Am I broken?” just take comfort in the thought that this too shall pass.
The more you can believe this, the sooner you will see/feel how very much unbroken you really are.
For Orgasm, Try This:
- Relax and feel as fully as you can every little thing you do feel even if it’s just a tiny shiver.
- Imagine these little feelings expanding.
- Imagine them as little orgasms. You may or may not come, and that’s okay. The point is to revel in whatever pleasures come your way.
If you place no expectations on your experience, this opens the door for the unexpected to happen, for all kinds of possibilities. This allows you to be surprised in each and every moment. It really doesn’t get much better than this.
The next time your parts are being quiet, and taking a break from orgasm, remember my words – “You are NOT broken.”
From Sarah: Dominique’s an expert on female sexuality and sensuality. Her stories, insight and advice can help you hugely in overcoming anxieties and experiencing the full passion of your femininity. Check her out if you want more insight into sexuality and the elusive female orgasm.