by Stephanie Shields

You want to know for sure, but how can you?

It’s easy to write off your feelings as silly jealousy without any foundation, but is that really what’s going on?

What you need to do is arm yourself with cheater radar.

Cheaters and criminals have one big thing in common…they always make mistakes, no matter how careful they are. Those mistakes are like finding fingerprints on the murder weapon. That’s what nails either the criminal or the cheater.

Here are just seven things you can look for. I’m going to focus on men here, because men cheating on women is extremely common. But there are similar clues for women cheating on men.

First, do your mutual friends act like they’re hiding something?

This can be subtle, but you’ll know if you pay attention. Are they talking uncomfortably when you mention your guy being AWOL last week at some odd times? Are they stealing secret glances? Those are clues.

Second, does he accuse YOU of cheating?

Jealously can go both ways, but sometimes the person making unfounded accusations is the guilty one. (That’s a big reason you want to know for sure before you accuse, by the way.)

If he’s calling you a cheater, he might be trying to deflect blame. That’s a classic sign of wrongdoing that police detectives use every day to nail criminals.

Third, do your fights seem scheduled?

If he’s always picking a fight with you on the same night, that seems convenient, doesn’t it? Odds are good he’s looking for a
convenient reason to leave the house for a date. And if he’s enjoying himself, he might stay “mad” the entire weekend so he can have more fun.

Fourth, is his paycheck magically disappearing?

Maybe you’ve noticed his overtime pay doesn’t seem to make it into your joint bank account. He’s probably been using overtime as an excuse for not being with you, but if the pay’s not there, something’s fishy. What’s he using that money for?

Fifth, if you’re married, does he seem to be hiding you or your family?

Mistresses might be ignorant. Not everybody wants to be involved with a married man. If your guy frequently forgets to put his wedding ring on, or doesn’t want to be seen in certain public places with you, or constantly wants all the kids’ toys out of the car, he could be hiding something from somebody else, not just you.

Sixth, did you find a secret cell phone in the car?

This is a dead giveaway. What in the world would he need another phone for? Odds are good it’s a way to contact the other woman. And even if there’s no hidden phone, if your guy starts hiding himself away to talk to “the office” all the time, that’s another red flag. Especially if he lowers his voice or sounds different from when he’s talking to you on the phone.

Seventh, is his wardrobe expanding beyond his normal pattern?

When you live with somebody or spend lots of time around them, you get to know their patterns. If your guy is suddenly buying lots of new stuff he hasn’t ever shown an interest in before, he could be trying to impress somebody…or somebody could be giving him gifts.

These are more common clues to tell if a guy is cheating, but similar things are true for women. The point is, you CAN know for sure.

Stop guessing, start knowing, and take your life back!


Stephanie Shields

From Sarah: Okay – I basically prefer Rori Raye’s way of dealing with jealousy and worring about if your man is cheating – but if you’re finding yourself obsessed and focusing on what he’s doing, and thinking about what to check out – his phone, his computer – this site is the place to go. Stephanie lays it all out – tells you WHAT to look for, and then how to deal with what you find. If I’m going to worry – I want to know what I’m dealing with, and not just be guessing…so go take a look and get her free newsletters at>


  1. Mya on October 6, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    Very true statements. I’m a female and I’ve cheated many times with my ex because I didn’t feel loved by him and financially secure from him. I had two phones. One for personal and the other would be only if I wanted to call up my sugar daddy. Then I would get mad at him sometimes (my ex) for no reason and I knew he wouldn’t call me so I did my dirt. Wrong, but woman can cheat very well because we plan stuff but I have a conscience and that made me stop cheating.

  2. Sarah on October 7, 2009 at 11:12 am

    Mya, Thank you so much for your honest and helpful comment. I’m curious — why did you feel the need to “cheat” with him if you weren’t married to him? Rori Raye talks about not ever being exclusive with a man unless you’re engaged to him — and it would seem so much easier that way. I don’t know if I could handle lying…I’m not so good at it! Sarah

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