Love Mistakesby Alexandra Fox

I’m here today to give you some of my tips on avoiding and overcoming seven of the most fatal love mistakes a woman can make.

Love Mistake #1: Being an Open Book

When a woman meets someone she really likes, she can’t help but share her feelings with him. She talks about her life experiences, personal history, and past relationships in an attempt to impress him and show him that she is perfect for him. Moreover, she confesses her feelings to him and lets him know how much she likes him early on, very, very early on…

If a man is logical, he’ll very much appreciate this kind of openness. But the reality is, when it comes to attraction, a man is NOT logical. He’s emotional! He acts according to how he feels, rather than what makes sense.

This means, he may rationally, LOGICALLY think you are the best match for him. But if he doesn’t feel that spark on a GUT LEVEL, he will leave. This is one of the reasons why some guys leave a woman who, in every sense of the world, seems perfect for him.

To make a guy feel that gut level attraction, he has to wonder about two things at the beginning:
(a) Does she like me?
(b) What’s up with her?

The longer he wonders if you like him and the longer he wonders what’s going on with your life, the more he’s intrigued by you. At the beginning of a relationship, being intriguing generates a lot of excitement for a man, enough to make him feel that gut level attraction and make him come back for more.

Love Mistake #2: Letting a Man have the Upper Hand

When I was doing research on legendary seductresses such as Cleopatra and Josephine Bonaparte, I discovered that these women viewed love affairs differently from other women: they saw love affairs as warfare, and they never ever gave the man the upper hand. They intuitively understood that men love challenges. He plans, struggles, and, after a lot of effort, wins a woman over.

Following the Great Seductresses to Avoid Love Mistakes

If you want to start having above-average success with men, you’ll have to start seeing things through a man’s eyes. That’s what counts. From a man’s perspective, if you let him have the upper hand, you are really asking him to take you for granted, turn cold, and eventually move on to someone who is more of a challenge. Never give him the upper hand. He has to fight for it!

Love Mistake #3: Being a “Yes” girl

The men that most women feel attracted to are the type called alpha males. These powerful and sometimes narcissistic men like to give orders, tell women what to do, and dominate. And the funny thing is, there’s something very sexy about a dominant man who knows what he wants and goes after it ruthlessly. I don’t blame you. I find the alpha male very sexy myself. But I also understand that when it comes to attraction, allowing him to dominate and allowing myself to become a “yes” girl is extremely unattractive for him; it’s one of the worst love mistakes.

The fact is that no matter how these powerful men seem to want a woman to obey them, they secretly desire a woman who will say “no.” They are used to having people answer to them and having their secretaries or personal assistants accommodate each of their little whims. After a while, it just gets old. A woman who says “no” and challenges him is extremely refreshing. Think about how Elizabeth Bennett got Mr. Darcy go gaga about her, and you will get the idea!

Love Mistake #4: Trying too Hard

How many times have you cooked for a guy, tried to do things for him, sat down for hours listening to him and making him feel better, and had him reject you for some other girl he has to work for? Isn’t this counter-intuitive?

We have learned from our experience that to get something you want, you have to work hard to get it. That’s the logical way to do it. But when it comes to dating, NOTHING really Makes Sense. If everything just flowed logically you wouldn’t need me to sit here and write this newsletter.

One of the Fatal Love Mistakes Is Working Too Hard

It’s also one of the most common love mistakes.  The thing is, attracting a man is different from getting promoted. When you try very hard to impress a man, you are really sending the following message: “I’m not good enough for you and I have to try very hard to make you like me.” All your efforts to make his life better normally come across to a man as insecurity about yourself. They think, “Hmmm, if she’s really a ‘catch,” why is she trying so hard?”

Love Mistake #5: Thinking that Looks are Everything

Well, looks are everything…if he’s looking for a one-night stand. In that case, a man couldn’t care less about your personality and your inner worth. But for the majority of men, looks are not everything. The reality is that a man has a “Minimal Level” when it comes to a woman’s looks, and when I say “minimal,” it’s…hmm…very minimal. Once you pass that threshold, looks have little to do with a guy’s attraction towards you.  This one of the love mistakes that can destroy our self-confidence, so don’t let yourself slide into it.

Love Mistake #6: Not understanding how to Handle Crucial Moments with Men

During the course of a relationship, there are a few of what I call crucial moments. These are golden opportunities for a woman to move the relationship to the next level. If left alone, a guy would want to stay single and have unlimited access to you at the same time. Unfortunately, women often make one of two love mistakes; they either don’t recognize these golden opportunities or, in some cases, do recognize them but handle them in the wrong way. The ability to recognize them and handle them in the right way, in my mind, is one of the most important skills a woman can have.

Love Mistake #7: Allowing a Man to Figure Out your Pattern First

When a woman really likes a guy, she gives him an “Instruction Manual,” meaning she expresses her thoughts and feelings so much that she pretty much tells the guy how to understand her and what her pattern is.

Consider the following scenario: When you are traveling on a plane and feeling bored and sleepy, you open one of the free magazines that are in the seat pocket. After reading the table of contents, you realize that there are some crossword puzzles on page 67. Bingo! Now, you are awake and ready to have a good time solving those puzzles. When you rush to page 67, however, you are shocked to realize that a previous traveler has solved all the crossword puzzles. Do you feel disappointed? Upset? Or maybe even a bit cheated?

The same emotions go through a guy’s mind when you give him the answer key to understanding you and interpreting you. A guy really sees a woman as a puzzle, a mystery that needs to be solved. There’s something very exciting about not knowing who she is or what she is thinking.

All right, that’s enough about love mistakes for today.  Now, I want you to pick one thing you love about yourself and just keep thinking about it throughout the whole day. If you have nice legs, keep thinking about them! If you have a fantastic personality, go for it! If you are very intelligent, I want you to keep reminding yourself about it! Then, I want you to take notice of how it makes a difference with men. Most importantly, feel love and respect for yourself and you’ll avoid most fatal love mistakes.

Ciao Bella!

From LoveRomanceRelationship: Alexandra is the author of the well-loved book “77 Secrets to Make Him Love You” among others.  Visit her webpage to find out about her book and learn from more of her fabulous advice about avoiding love mistakes.


  1. confused on May 9, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    I’m confused…you say all these mistakes but don’t say a word about what to do instead..#6 for example…so tired of useless information

  2. Steve on November 4, 2011 at 11:41 am

    What load of nasty advice.. basically telling women to play games with men’s feelings, no wonder there’s so much misery in relationships.

  3. Litbrneyes on January 5, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    I thought you had great information and it really makes a lot sense. I do agree that #6 could have been explained a little better. Wasn’t too clear on what golden opportunities or crucial moments you were talking about.

    Great post!

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