by Christian Carter
So there’s this great guy in your life and you’re really starting to like him, feel an attraction.
So much so that your feelings for him are starting to scare you a little bit.
And you want him to like you too.
He usually calls you, initiates plans, and shows you he’s “into you” by being affectionate when you’re together.
But you also fear in the back of your mind that things aren’t coming together the way you think they need to if you’re going to have a real relationship grow out of this.
You’re not sure exactly what his feelings are, or where things are going.
And not knowing what he’s feeling or thinking is starting to drive you crazy… as you find yourself thinking about him and counting how many hours or days it’s been since he last called or you were together.
Now, in this situation, do you:
A) Tell him how much you like him and share all the thoughts and feelings that are racing through your mind even when you’re not around him … because you’re certain your passion will win him over to the way you feel
B) Kill him with kindness by complimenting him every chance you get, call him all the time, do favors for him without him even asking… and generally do whatever you can to be a special “friend” and companion to him
C) Sleep with him in the hopes that by being close and intimate, he’ll realize how much he likes you, how amazing you both are together, and recognize the connection, attraction and chemistry that’s so “real” between you
D) Find “accidental” ways for you to both be at the same place at the same time… so you can keep spending time with him, even though he hasn’t asked you out or invited you to do anything
E) Make him “work for it” by raising doubts about what kind of guy he is, or how sincere his feelings really are, and make him prove to you he’s not a bad guy… because you know how men can act like dogs and screw up women’s lives
F) Find a way to get upset with him and shut your feelings for him off because you’re not sure you want to go through the fear and uncertainty of another relationship with some guy you don’t really know that well Ok, so what do you do?
This was kind of a trick question. The right answer is to do NONE OF THE ABOVE.
But if you’re like lots of women… then at some point in your life, even though you might KNOW better… you’ve made at least one or two of these mistakes with a man… and paid the ultimate price when he pulled away for good.
Or, if you’ve had a tough go of it with men and dating, then you probably recognized several of these situations from your long and colorful love life.
Like most women who have made mistakes like this with men, you didn’t know exactly what had happened at the time…one second things were moving along great with a man… and the next he did a 180 and was outta there.
You Unknowingly Killed The Attraction The Man Had Been Feeling For You
And once that attraction was gone, you not only didn’t know how to get it back… but you started feeling a little freaked out and emotional when you sensed things were going wrong.
And this only added fuel to the fire.
Your feelings of fear and uncertainty and the way that they led you to act were the nail in the coffin that kept this man from experiencing any kind of real “chemistry” and attraction with you anymore.
Of course, the man you were with didn’t ever SAY anything about the changes he saw in you, what a turn-off your behavior was for him… or why it changed the way he was feeling about you.
He “played it cool” and didn’t say anything.
But no matter what, it changed things for him. And he instantly felt differently after you made the mistake you made.
He NEVER felt the same way about you. EVER again.
At the time this happened, part of you had an intuition that it was something you had done that caused a change.
You could sense it in the way he acted and talked to you from them on.
But you still didn’t know exactly what the mistake was… or what to do about it.
Now, let’s get back to what these mistakes are that women often make that make men STOP feeling attraction for them…
Take the first mistake I mentioned – trying to make a man like you by telling him how much you like him.
It’s a huge mistake women make all the time when they’re single or trying to help a relationship grow.
In my eBook I talk about this kind of counterproductive behavior women take on with men.
I call it playing the “Convincer” role.
It’s when you try and “convince” a man to feel the way that you do because your feelings for him are so strong.
Let me be as clear as possible here if you’ve ever tried to “talk a man into liking you” or having a relationship…
People don’t like people just because they like them.
In other words… people like people that make them FEEL INTENSE EMOTIONS when they are around them. And for reasons that they can’t “logically” explain.
Let me give you an example.
Take a man who is in love with a woman and in a deeply committed relationship… and then ask him what it is that attracted him to the woman he loves in the first place.
He might say “she just had this something about her that made me feel incredible when I was around here. Something I haven’t felt and don’t share with any other woman.”
This is “guy talk” for feeling and experiencing a deep and intense level of attraction to the woman.
So let me ask you…
What is it that creates attraction?
And what destroys it?
Attraction is created in a man when he has an EXPERIENCE with a woman that isn’t something that’s PREDICTABLE or ordinary.
In fact, attraction is most often created and experienced when a woman does something with a man that is UNPREDICTABLE and that he hasn’t seen before and doesn’t expect.
If you act in a predictable way, then by definition you will be BORING.
And when a man can predict what you say or what you’re going to do next… then he’s not going to become EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED with you.
Ordinary conversations, ordinary places, and ordinary things DON’T create extraordinary experiences.
Especially when it comes to how the human brain and our EMOTIONS work.
Emotions become the most intense when we can’t predict or control everything around us.
So, How Can You Be Unpredictable and Create Attraction?
Well, first don’t EVER EVER start things off with a man by asking him “So what do you do for a living?”
Or “Where are you from?”
Unless you’re Angelina Jolie or you only care if a man is physically attracted to you… then using this kind of boring and everyday predictable question that everyone has heard a million times just sends him the message that there is nothing new and exciting for him with you.so he’ll just shut down.
On the outside he man will look at you and respond to your question… but inside there will be NOTHING GOING ON on an emotional level that will draw him to you.
Questions like this to lead off dates and conversations when you first meet men literally come off like boring job interviews.
Either come up with something specific, emotionally engaging, or actually interesting, or say something unexpected and unpredictable.
My favorite unpredictable response in conversations that are leaning dangerously close to the “predictable and boring boundary” is to respond to the “what do you do for a living” question with an obvious and funny lie.
For example, if you’re dressed up and look amazing in your latest designer fashion you’d say, “Oh, drive a trash truck. But it’s really rewarding. I get the recycling.”
And do it with a sly smile on your face that’s let him know you’re teasing him and want to engage in a little witty banter and play.
Men LOVE this kind of thing when women invite them into it.
And the funnier or more playful and sarcastic the better.
Now of course all rules are meant to be broken.
If you’re having a deeply engaging conversation with a man and the topic of your work or profession comes up… by all means tell him about what you do and show him how smart and successful you are.
But make sure you include some other elements of fun and unpredictability to add the right emotional elements to your conversation.
Some successful women think that men don’t like them because they are successful.
But they often miss the point. They’re busy believing that a man should like them and feel ATTRACTED to them BECAUSE they are successful.
A man doesn’t want a woman because she is successful.
He wants a woman, and wants to be with her and stay with her, because of the way she makes him FEEL when he’s with her.
Now, most women don’t go about using unpredictability and humor to try and create attraction with men and get to a deeper level of connection that engages a man’s emotions.
Instead, they try to go directly to where they think they can engage a man on an emotional level and make him feel attraction – by asking him how he feels…
Or telling them how they feel.
Or trying to use physical contact or sex in order to elicit an emotional response and something more than physical attraction.
And there’s something else important you should know.
Avoiding the mistakes that kill attraction is important.
And knowing what to say and do with a man that will make him feel attraction when he’s around you is critical.
But if you find yourself making mistake after mistake with men and pushing them away for reasons you’re not sure of… then it’s possible that there’s something else going on inside YOU on a deeper level.
It’s possible that it’s not just that you don’t know how attraction works with men…
But that deep down inside, you’re own fears, anxieties, and frustrations when it comes to men and relationships are pushing men away from you without you even being aware of it.
If you find yourself flying off the emotional “deep end” with a man and you know it’s driving him away… then it’s time you took care of YOUR OWN emotional “health.”
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.
From Sarah: Christian is one of my favorite “attraction” experts, because he combines some great insight with some really practical and applicable ideas. His masculine viewpoint is unique, kind, right-on and so helpful. Visit his website and let him fill your life with love and attraction–>>