by Susie and Otto Collins
The other day, a man asked us for more information about our book and audio program “Should You Stay or Should You go?”
As we talked to him, he told us that he really didn’t want to leave his relationship but he was having a difficult time finding ways to revive the love they once had.
He asked us if we knew any “tricks” that he could use to help him fall back in love.
While we wouldn’t classify these ideas we’re about to share with you as “tricks”or “magic dust”…
What we will tell you is if you consistently do these 5 things we’re going to talk about, you’ll create a better, more caring and more loving relationship that can truly last.
Here are 5 relationship tricks that make love stick…
1. Be nice even when you don’t feel like it.
While we’re definitely in favor of be authentic, real and telling your truth, often what passes as “truth” in relationships is just plain meanness.
It’s like when you get together in a relationship, after a few years, you get a “I-can-treat-you-as-bad- as-I-want-to-treat-you” card.
(We know because we certainly used to play this card in previous relationships!)
If you’re tired, you take it out on your partner.
If you’re angry at someone else, you take it out on your partner.
Here’s what makes love stick…
**If you are feeling squirrelly, angry, tired, upset, let your partner know what’s going on with you–but don’t take it out on him or her.
Something like–“I’m feeling really upset right now with ______ and I’d just like some time alone. Thanks for understanding”–keeps your connection.
2. Be willing to be vulnerable even if you’ve been hurt in the past.
When you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s certainly natural for you to put your guard up, close down and not let others in.
The only problem is that love happens when you’re letting the other person glimpse who you really are.
**There is a way to speak your truth and still have boundaries–and one of the “tricks” is to know that you always have choice.
3. Practice staying open to connection even when you’re triggered
We all get triggered when someone, especially those closest to us, says or does something that we disagree with, don’t like or goes against what WE believe is right.
And we react in a number of ways that push others away and kill relationships.
In order to make love stick (and stay), you have to practice stopping yourself from your habitual reactions that cut your connection.
**The “trick” is to find out what you do when you’re triggered–and pause before you do it.
We’ve seen many couples regain their love and connection by simply practicing this one “trick.”
If it can work for them, it can work for you too!
4. Stop the stories about what something does or doesn’t mean.
As humans, we all love a good story–and we’re oh so good at making them up, especially when we don’t have all the facts!
Story telling (aka making assumptions) can be one of the biggest reasons that love fades and dies.
If I’m making assumptions about your intentions for saying or doing something without clarifying any questions I have with you, I’m making up a story that may or may not have any truth to it.
And I’m reacting to my story about you without you even realizing what my story is!
Talk about a way to “unstick” love–this is one of the best.
**When you recognize that you’ve made up a story, just ask for clarification. (Yes, it’s that easy.)
5. Look for the positive and what you appreciate about your partner
The motivational speaker Zig Ziggler once said…
“Whatever you put into your mind is going to come out.”
If you’re focusing on what’s wrong with your partner, that’s what you’ll get more of.
We certainly don’t mean to paint a “happy face” on your situation or your partner if you’re being treated badly.
Look at your relationship and your partner as it is but not worse than it is.
This is one of the biggest ways to rebuild trust that we talk about in our “Relationship Trust Turnaround” program you can download at Relationship Trust Turnaround
Whether you’re rebuilding trust or just amping up the love and passion in your relationship, use these 5 “tricks” (that really aren’t tricks at all) to create the kind of relationship that you want.
Talk to you again soon…
Susie and Otto Collins
===== Passionate Heart Quote of The Week: =====
“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
Julius Henry “Groucho” Marx 1890-1977, Comedian and Film Star
From Sarah: The biggest relationship issue I’ve ever had – and all of my friends say the same thing – the #1 relationship issue is: Should I stay with him, or should I go? I mean, what is the straw that breaks everything? How do you know if things can be fixed, or if it’s a waste to spend another moment? AND if it CAN be fixed – how do I fix it? The answer to all of this is in Susie and Otto Collins’ new book “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” – and you can read more about it and how it can help you get a “bigger view” of what’s going on for you in your relationship – and help you decide exactly what you need to do to save your relationship or leave your relationship right here–>>