relationshipby Christian Carter

Let’s talk about the reasons why men often leave their relationship with you…

***EMAIL FROM A READER***

Christian,

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and a half and we have a great relationship on all levels (intellectually, physically, etc). However unfortunately we have been ‘head-bashing’ over a certain problem that keeps resurfacing in our relationship and now it has literally come to a point where he wants “time out”.

I have a problem trusting him and want to always control situations.

I have constantly been giving him nonsense when he socializes with his female friends, and have an insecurity that he will leave me.

It has been very strenuous on him and he actually told me this morning that he wants to be with me but he no longer knows what to do and wants time out of this relationship…

I finally did something right this morning when speaking to him (after reading your last email on control), I just listened and said that I understood. He said we will discuss it further this evening.

I am SO LOST! I don’t know what to do to fix this now, and am not sure if this is ‘fixable’.

I REALLY LOVE him and he loves me, but it has been carrying on for so long he doesn’t want to hear excuses anymore.

PLEASE HELP me. What can I do to make this work?

I will be forever grateful for your response!

L.J.

***MY RESPONSE***

Ok, I’m going to have to lay it on the line for you because you’re doing one of the worst things you can do: You’re using your FEAR and NEEDINESS to justify feeling hurt and pushing your guy away.

Imagine if you were to slap yourself silly, then turn to him and cry and freak out and then blame him for “making you do it.”

And when he responds by saying, “But you just slapped yourself,” you go ahead and get even more upset, and act even more emotional, and then wonder, “What did I do to make him doubt our future together?”

What you’re doing has roughly the same effect on your boyfriend as your current thinking and behavior.

Follow me here?

You have to find a way to get this jealousy and fear under control, because no matter how good your relationship with a man might be, or how much reassurance you get from him, it will NEVER be enough for you because your mind will find a way to freak you out.

Those negative feelings will keep coming up (and driving him away) each and every time.

Ask yourself a few important questions:

– How are all your negative emotions, fears and frustrations affecting the man in your life?

– How does it make him think about you, your relationship and future together?

– What thoughts and feelings would he share with you if he wasn’t afraid of you freaking out?

(Hint: Being able to listen and understand a man without immediately jumping to conclusions, criticizing or freaking out goes a LONG WAY towards creating a strong relationship that meets BOTH your needs).

The good news is that your situation isn’t hopeless or un-fixable.

But there are a few important truths about why men LEAVE relationships with women they really like, or even love, that you need to know.

Reason #1 Why Men Leave A Relationship:

The Pleasure Principle

Men and women want to feel good in their lives and in their relationships.

If you’re constantly freaking out on a man about something he?s doing or saying, you’re quickly turning into a person who isn’t fun to be around. He just won’t feel that good around you.

This has a huge impact on whether or not he’ll want to invest more time and energy into you and your relationship.

Or, if he’ll decide to give up on trying to fix what?s going on so you can both feel good together.

Reason #2 Why Men Leave A Relationship:

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