by Tina Tobin
At some point everyone meets a couple that is so obviously not going to last that the biggest surprise is often how long it takes for the couple to realize that their relationship has been perched like a house of cards from day one. There are many couples that this can happen to, but I have definitely noticed certain patterns. I have divided these couples into categories which I believe are the types of relationships that were destined to fail from the start.
The “We Do Everything Together Couple”- Once you’re past your teen years, it’s no longer cute if you can’t do anything without the man in your life. In fact, it’s down right annoying to the people who know you and it’s a big red flag that this relationship is not right. I once knew a woman who brought her husband to Mom’s Night Out. We were all shocked at such sacrilege as she shrugged and said that they did everything together. We did our best to continue with this “man” at the table.
It was entertaining when he squirmed as we chatted about breast feeding and it was hilarious when he nearly choked as one of the moms made an inappropriate remark about wanting to hire the waiter as a pool boy (she doesn’t actually have a pool.) But despite these brief moments of entertainment we did not want a repeat and we “accidentally” removed her from the call list.
A few years later they filed for divorce. She said “they felt smothered by each other.” I don’t how they stayed together so long. It may have taken them all that time to alienate everyone they knew with their joined-at-the-hip routine, but this is the type of relationship that at least one member of the couple will tire of at some point.
The Volcano Couple- This couple can also be called the “We never fight” couple. Never or rarely fighting is good if it evolves from having arguments and learning to pick your battles. If it just comes from trying to avoid arguing or a fear of confrontation, then it is sure to be the start of a explosion that is gaining momentum under the surface. These are the kind of couples that seemed perfectly happy the entire time you knew them and then one day it suddenly ends. Once it ends there’s so much built up resentment that they seem to hate everything about each other, from the way they acted at their wedding ten years ago to the way they squeeze the tube of toothpaste from the top instead of the bottom.
The “We Have Nothing in Common” Couple- Yes, opposites attract, but you need to have things in common to make a relationship work. It’s good to be opposites in some ways. For example, I’m a saver and my husband’s a spender. I make sure he doesn’t bury us in debt and he makes sure that we have fun with our earnings.
It works wells that we handle money differently, but we definitely have more things in common than not. Often couples that may seem to have nothing in common discover that they do have many things in common once they get to know each other a little better. If after a few months with someone you are both still giggling about how you have nothing in common it is just a matter of time before you have a break-up in common.
The “Look at Us” couple- This couple is on a mission to have everyone admire them. They come in many varieties. They may focus on looking perfect together, letting everyone know how successful their careers are, or letting everyone know how in love they are (which usually involves way more details than we want to know.) No matter which variety they are, their focus is to look good to the outside world above all else.
I’ve seen the ultra successful couples last for a few years, but it always ends and they seem to come out of the relationships thoroughly exhausted. That’s no surprise really, it’s hard enough work making a long term relationship last when you focus on just the two of you. When you add the pressure of trying to impress everyone, it’s just too much for one couple to handle.
So there’s my list of the couples that I believe are a failed relationship just waiting to happen. I know that there are many other types, but these are the ones that I seem to come across most often in my little corner of the world. Please feel free to comment about the types of couples that I have listed, or about the types of couples that you think are most likely to fail.
You can read Tina’s lovely blog at www.LuvemOrLeaveem.com.