by Paul Sterling

And so today, here is a brief, but powerful, 4 step exercise you can use with the people you love a care about… your lover, your kids, your relatives and your friends…to transform your relationships

Here we go:

Ask them if you can have a minute – sit next to them – and…

a) first tell them about something very specific (an observation) that they did or said that touched, moved or inspired you…

b) next tell them why that touched you – and how that made you feel…

c) what need of yours was met by what they did…

d) and lastly… you make a request… asking them either “what they heard you say” or “how they feel hearing it”

You will be amazed by the power of this simple 3-5 minute exercise.

Here are 4 examples…

Start with an observation – something specific…

a) (to spouse) The way you take care of our kids, getting them up each morning, getting them ready for school and taking them to all their events…

a) (to lover) When you took me out to dinner…

a) (to kids) When you came home with an A+ on you math test…

a) (to parent) When you gave up on some of your dreams, so I could join the band…

Next – how you feel about it…

b) (spouse) makes me feel so proud and lucky to be your partner…

b) (lover) I felt so touched, loved and cared for …

b) (kids) I felt so proud and excited …

b) (parent) I felt so taken care of and loved…

Now tie in the needs that are being met…

c) (spouse) and that meets my needs for support, partnership and caring…

c) (lover) it meets my needs for feeling special, important and loved…

c) (kids) meets my need to know you are going to be successful…

c) (parent) and it meets my needs for support, caring and understanding…

End on a clear and Simple request…

This last step is really important…and most people miss it when communicating… that is to make sure that they heard what you said and how they felt when they heard it (sort of a completion of the cycle)

d) (spouse) Honey… can you tell what you heard me say?

d) (lover) can you tell me how you felt when you heard me say that?

d) (kids) would you be willing to tell me how you feel hearing that?

d) (parent) can you tell me what you heard?

Just in case you are saying that this sounds a little odd and you never talk like that… just know that that is a normal reaction… and if you want new results – you have to try something new.

And don’t worry, it becomes easier with practice.

Now go and practice this and no… you don’t have to get it right for it to work.

Just give it a try and they will know that you love and care about them (at some future time I will give you ore details on this 4 step method).

Okay, if all that seams just a little overwhelming… here is the short version. Just take a moment and tell them “I am glad you are here… you are special and make my life better… Thank You”… simple enough but not said enough.

You can find Paul Sterling and read through his articles and blog right here to transform your relationships->

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