We all have protective mechanisms programmed in our subconscious mind.

by Helena Hart

Many of these mechanisms served to protect us when we were young, but now as adults they’ve become maladaptive if they cause us to push love away.

Here are three unconscious “personas” that get in the way of real love and intimacy:

1. The Protector
The Protector is your masculine energy trying to protect you, it just doesn’t always go about it in the best ways. If you’re single, this can look like not giving anyone the time of day, or rejecting everyone who’s interested before they can get close to you.

If you’re in a relationship and you have trust issues, you may have a “Detective Persona” (one example of The Protector) that will snoop around in your man’s phone or email when you’re feeling insecure. There’s already this projection that you’re going to be cheated on or rejected.

2. The Controller
The Controller can be obsessive, judgmental, aggressive, or may want to get someone dependent on YOU so that they won’t leave you.

An example of this is “The Giver” – which deep down believes that if you give enough your partner will become attached to or reliant on you and do what you want. Over-giving and overfunctioning actually comes from a need to try to CONTROL the situation.

3. The Survivor
The Survivor will put up with just about anything because they think there’s no one else out there or that they don’t deserve better. They can get attached to a person who isn’t treating them well, and there’s a fear of rejection of their true inner self.

Women who have been abused may latch onto their abuser and will feel connected to them because they think they have to stay in that relationship to survive. There’s something internally that’s not allowing them to be their true selves, so they latch onto someone because that person is providing something that they don’t think they can get anywhere else.

Each one of us has versions of all three of these personas, but in our own unique way.

The behavior being run by the persona makes it difficult to be in a space where you’re authentic. It also clouds your perception and judgment.

When you find yourself behaving in a way that doesn’t match your values or who you want to be, that’s a clue that something’s “acting out” within you!

The personas are full of STRATEGY, they’re always wrapping their mind around an “agenda” and how they’ll survive.

This is based upon what their needs were at the time when they were created by an unconscious trigger mechanism. At the root of all of these personas is a fear of being hurt.

These personas shift us out of our feminine energy into our masculine energy, which will push love and good men away.

They can work in a way where they seem really positive (like “The Giver”), but your Giver can actually be very dysfunctional if that’s the only way you learned how to get love and attention, if you’re in sacrifice and you’re not being your authentic self.

At the deepest level your Giver might feel unlovable, so it’ll turn you into this superwoman who has to be everything to everyone.

The good news is, you have a choice now – back when the personas were created, you didn’t know that you had a choice – you just knew that you liked the attention that you got when you were a Giver.

I’m shared a very powerful, in-depth exercise to shift these personas so they can start working FOR you (rather than against you) in Teleclass #14 of my Effortlessly Attract Love Program.

If you’re ready to finally have the loving, committed relationship you’ve always dreamed of, click here to learn more about my Effortlessly Attract Love Program.


As a Certified Life and Relationship Coach with a masters degree in Psychology, author and master coach teacher, Helena Hart helps people all over the world effortlessly attract love into their lives. Whether you’re recently single or you’ve been single for years – or you’re in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere – Helena can help you quickly and permanently turn your love life around. If you’re ready to inspire the kind of deep attraction and devotion that makes a man fall in love and want to be with you forever.
“I had to uncover my relationship patterns and deep fear of intimacy in order to figure out what I was doing that was blocking love and great men from coming toward me. When I did this I was able to heal myself and turn things around very quickly!”

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