Sure, we all want to find somebody special to spend our lives with. But I think everybody gets worn out with dating at some time or another. After a series of bad (or just unproductive) dates, it can be really tempting to call it quits, and just spend some time being, well, with yourself. But while it’s not necessarily a bad thing to take a break when you’re feeling a little worn out, if you give up on dating altogether, your chances of finding somebody are slim. All those times your mother told you that you’d find the right guy or girl when you stopped looking? Well, she was wrong. You’ve got to get out there and find them.
So if you find that you’re suddenly telling yourself you have some of the reasons below for not dating, remember that they’re not always 100% true. Sometimes, what look like reasons are really just excuses.
1. You’re not ready. When you’ve been trying –and failing– to find the love of your life or at least somebody to have a good time with, you may put it down to not being ready. Perhaps you want to blame a semi-recently ended relationship or a new change in your life. And while it is important to be ready for dating, and not jump into new relationships before you’re over old ones, it’s also important to recognize when you’re getting in your own way.
The argument against it: Even if you’re not ready for a relationship, it’s good to remember that dating is not the same as having a relationship. Use an internet dating service to make casual connections or even just friends. Or go out and have a good time, enjoy being with and talking to the opposite sex without any strings attached. Sometimes, casual dating can be just what you need to prepare yourself for a more serious relationship. Just be sure you go in with your eyes open, and know what you want from each connection.
2. You don’t have time. When you’ve got a hundred different things going on in your life, it can be difficult to make room for a relationship. And it’s true that people with busy working and family lives can have a difficult time making space in their lives. This makes it easy to set the idea of finding a partner aside until you have a bit more free time. It’s a ready-made excuse.
The argument against it: It’s sort of like a Catch 22. Recently, dating hasn’t been worth making time for, so you don’t. But because you don’t actually make time in your life, you haven’t committed yourself to dating seriously and enjoying it. If you’re serious about wanting to find love, it’s important to make time in your life, even before you enter a relationship. When you have space for love in your life, there’s a much greater chance that you’ll be open to finding it. Even if you’re busy, something as simple as creating a profile on an internet dating site can help you get your toes wet.
3. It’s not worth it. After one or two or eleven unproductive (or totally painful) dates, there may come a time when you want to throw up your hands and just… give up. The pain and frustration of getting nowhere with the people you’re dating is just not worth it. It’s easier and more comfortable being alone.
The argument against it: If you’re being repeatedly unsuccessful at the very beginning of relationships, it’s important to learn from those experiences rather than take them as proof of your total failure. Are you choosing the wrong kind of man or woman over and over again? If so, how are they alike, and how can you choose better in the future?
While some people are very good at being alone, most of us are not, and are happier when we have somebody to share our lives with. While you can and should take time for yourself if you want it, you should also evaluate your life and goals honestly. If you realize that being alone is not what you want, you need to act accordingly, and get out there and date!