by Christian Carter
SET THE RIGHT TONE AND STANDARD FROM DAY ONE
A selective woman has a certain attitude that is intriguing to a man. She knows she has a lot of WORTH. She doesn’t just go after any ol’ guy who shows a little interest in her. She waits to find out if he’s someone that’s right for her and will fit into her life.
When a man senses this attitude, he naturally shifts his thinking from you’re “just another girl” who is trying to impress him, to “here’s someone worth my time and effort – and I hope she as into me as I am into her!” By the way, this is ESPECIALLY true with men who are super-attractive, successful and confident. They have “choices” when it comes to dating, and women will often do their best to make him “pick her.”
And when a man knows your value and is truly attracted to you, you’ll KNOW it. He’ll always be thinking of ways to please you. He’ll naturally praise and appreciate you. And everything in your relationship will FLOW. You definitely won’t be sitting around wondering. Or waiting. Or worrying that he’s slipping away. Not that you would anyway, because if he makes you wonder and wait, he’s not the right guy for you and you’re moving on.
Here are some quick tips on how to communicate that YOU are doing the selecting, which will also have the extra benefit of being highly attractive to a man:
Tip #1. Get In Touch With And Be Clear About Your Expectations Most of the time when people get on our nerves or disappoint us, it’s because they are not living up to what we EXPECT from them.
So… step number 1 is to get in touch with what your basic expectations are from a man. Should he be honest at all times? Should he do what he says he’ll do? Should he treat you in a kind and respectful way? Relationships with people feel “off” if our basic expectations are not being met, but the REAL problem and frustration is then having to CONFRONT the person after weeks, months or years of continual “bad” behavior from them.
Talking about your frustrations can turn into nagging and whining, or worse – CONVINCING him to act differently – two super big turn-offs for a man. Wouldn’t it be better if a man knew from the START what you expect, so that there would be no guesswork and hurt feelings later? Of course it would.
Setting expectations early can head off a whole TON of potential problems later on. Here’s a disclaimer though: setting expectations doesn’t mean “laying down the law” with a list of what you won’t tolerate BEFORE a man has even gone out with you or gotten a chance to know you. That doesn’t set a good tone and it’s NOT going to score any points in your favor.
If you’re going to do it, you have to do it the right way. A way that says you’re confident and self-assured and if he can’t get it together, too bad for him.
Let’s say that you sense a man is being dishonest with you about something. You could say, in a very calm and collected way, “It seems you’re not being completely honest with me. I EXPECT that a man I am dating be open and up-front with me or else I am not interested in pursuing anything further.”
If you say it that way, it implies you’re not attached to the outcome… or to him. If he doesn’t treat you the way you deserve, you’re outta there.
Compare that to saying something like, “I don’t understand why you’re lying to me. I thought we really had something special together.” (Which to me sounds like a plea for VALIDATION.)
You could also communicate other expectations this way. “I expect that if we’re going to be intimate, we’re also monogamous. Otherwise, I’m not interested in anything more than just casual dating.”
By expressing yourself this way, you’re letting him know that you won’t bend over backward to please him. Your feelings and desires matter, and he has to show you that he deserves to be in your life. But be careful that your expectations aren’t based on the feeling of what he “should” be doing if you were in a real, committed relationship, when in fact you’ve only known him a short while. Which leads me to…
TIP # 2. Avoid The “Instant Relationship”