by Christian Carter
You may have heard that you can’t change a man. I agree – you as a woman can’t change a man just because you want him to change, or ask him to.
But… You CAN cause a man to FEEL so strongly and so deeply for you that through the experience of the EMOTIONS he has he’ll end up being completely TRANSFORMED from within. In other words… you can’t change a man, but the feelings you make a man feel and share can change a man through and through.
Here’s the most amazing part- It’s that being the woman who a man feels this way with, and ends up being INSPIRED by, doesn’t require that you’re the best-looking, the smartest, or the most funny or successful woman.
So what is it the thing that throws the “switch” in a man’s mind where he’s suddenly thinking and feeling that you’re not just another woman… but the ONLY woman he wants? At the root of what makes a man feel this way and respond this way to a woman is something equally as amazing and surprising- It’s the way a woman thinks about herself.
What you think about yourself carries with you and men can see and sense more about this than you might guess. If you’re the kind of woman who not only wants a great man and a great relationship, but you’re willing to accept nothing less than the best and what you really want for yourself… you will do something that has a magical effect on the way a man sees you and thinks about you- You’ll be showing him that you are SELECTIVE, which will have a huge impact on the way he treats you and feels about you.
THE IMPORTANCE OF “SELECTIVITY”:
How many times have you sat around obsessing about what you were going to say, what you were going to wear, and whether or not you’d make a great impression on a date with a man? Not only that, but you spent a lot of mental energy wondering if he was attracted to you or was falling for you. If he thought you two were “good” for each other or not?
Like it or not, thinking this way is actually making you behave in a way that is working against you when you end up finally in the presence of the man you’re interested in.
Here’s the thing… If you think about a lot of doubtful and “negative” things before you see a man, and then you meet up with him… all the thoughts you had in your head are naturally going to affect the way you carry yourself, what you say, and how you say it. What it’s going to communicate is that you are hoping this man “picks you” to be his girlfriend.
Instead, what you should be communicating is that YOU, as the woman, are the doing the selecting. That you don’t care to waste your time on someone who isn’t cutting it.
Let me share a little secret with you about how men think. It’s also a kind of trick when it comes to how men see and recognize women as a great woman who would make great “girlfriend material.”
The secret is that Men will believe what a Woman believes about herself.
I touched on this earlier. Think about it for a second… How many women do you know who aren’t the very best looking, and who aren’t the most “outgoing,” but who are the ones who always have great guys and great relationships in their lives?
I’m sure you know at least a few women like this. Now, I’ll bet you that each one of these women carries a certain kind of attitude you might call “confidence” about them. And this confidence inside them is something that reflects and shines out into the world, and it shows to anyone who meets them that these women love and trust themselves… and that they only deserve great things in their lives.
Well, guess what? When a man meets a woman and sees that she carries this “thing” inside her, it’s not that the man naturally likes and respects this woman as much as SHE TEACHES HIM to respect and love her.
I think you see what I’m getting at here. I could go into the “science” behind this, but to make a long story short this has roots in our biology, and it’s a HUGE TURN ON for a man when a woman not only projects this attitude of confidence and “self-love”- but actually is the kind of woman who doesn’t just fall for a man because he makes her feel great.
Men who end up falling in love and enter into great lasting relationships do so not because they were often looking and “ready.” Men do this almost by accident because of the way they feel around the woman they meet who will only be with them if the man shows he’s ready and capable of the right kind of relationship.
In other words… When a man sees and senses that you are the kind of woman who will only get close to a man who knows what he wants and has his “act together,” you become not only instantly more interesting and attractive and desirable to that man because you know and teach him your value… But you also end up having only the men who truly are ready and interested in having something “real” with you PURSUING YOU.
If you look at the way things work in nature, there’s an important and universal pattern going on with almost all living animals. It goes roughly something like this:
-Male and female meet
-Male and/or female are interested in each other
-Female questions whether males is “fit” to be her mate
-Male sees the female questioning him, and is excited and engaged by the opportunity and the challenge of the female
-Male engages in displays and courtship
-Female chooses or rejects male after observing many different attributes and “qualifications” of the male from the courtship displays
-Male feels proud and elated to have won such a valuable and selective female, and loves and protects her and their relationship
There are several fascinating things going on in this “universal” dance we as humans call dating and getting to know each other. The most important of which is that females DO NOT fall all over themselves doing a crazy dance just so the male will notice, be impressed, and pick them. It’s the other way around – the MALES are the ones making all the effort to impress and win the hearts of the picky females.
With men and women, this natural process sometimes gets a little screwed up. If you think it’s up to YOU to impress and “win” over a man, think again. If you do him special favors, buy him extravagant or expensive gifts, or offer to help him get his life together in some way, you are either subtly or directly trying to win his approval or make him like you in some way.
And nothing says BORING faster to a man than a woman who feels like she has to win his approval just so he’ll like her. A man wants a woman he DESIRES, he yearns for, and can’t stop thinking about. If you’re a woman who finds herself having to do any kind of “bribing,” convincing, or spoiling a man to try and get his interest or attention, then odds are you’re not making a man “feel it” for you in the first place.
Of course, most women only end up making things worse for themselves when they start to sense or fear that a man doesn’t feel the same way they do about him. The problem is, for most women, when they like a guy and want his interest but they’re not getting it… their immediate and natural reaction is to start doing things to try and win his attention and his approval.
They try and fill the gap between them, thinking that this will bring the man close to them. Unfortunately, the things most women do in these situations turns out to have the exact OPPOSITE EFFECT on the man – It’s a complete ATTRACTION KILLER that instead causes the man to WITHDRAW.
Here are a few examples of these attraction killers are:
-Finding yourself calling a man and asking him to go out a few times, and him turning you down, but then you try and find better reason to call back hoping he’ll finally go out with you if you invite him to something he’ll like
-Making up “excuses” to be places where a man is going to be, only to try and indirectly win his attention and get him to notice or like you
-Constantly complementing a man and doing extremely nice things for him in the hopes that he’ll see that you’re interested and ask you out -Standing close to a man and waiting for him to talk to you, and making “filler” conversation about nothing with your friend while you’re waiting for him to come over… instead of finding a way to connect with him in a more direct fashion
-Pleading with a man, or whining or crying to him when he says he doesn’t want a relationship- and then trying to convince him that he’s wrong and that he should want to be with you Not only are all of these the wrong approach, but they will trigger a negative response from a man. Instead of being impressed, he’ll think you’re: – Needy…Too eager…Desperate…Annoying…Or worst of all… boring.
And really, you are probably NONE of those things.
The thing is, most women who come off this way to men I’ve learned are simply trying to make a good impression and get a man’s attention. But if deep down all you’re worried about is if you’re the right girl for HIM, you’re already fighting a losing battle.
So what is a better way to “wow” a man and AT THE SAME TIME communicate that you’ll be doing the selecting, not the other way around?
From Sarah: You’ll want to get Christian’s free eletters – they’re all amazing, like this one, and once he’s sent them out, you won’t see them again (except here – and I’m working my way through my favorites for you) – just go here to learn more about how Christian knows so much about women (oh, and he SO does…) and to get his free advice->