by Susie and Otto Collins
One of the quickest, sure-fire ways to create more trust, more connection or more life in your relationship is to change the way you talk to yourself and the way you talk to your partner.
One thing we’d like to say right now is…
If you’re feeling like your relationship has lost some of its spark and aliveness–you’re not alone.
It’s easy to put everything else you have to do in your life above your relationship. Because after all, your relationship will still be there–right?
Our question to you is–why leave it up to chance?
Take Steps Now to Put Life Into Your Relationship–
no matter how good or not-so-good you think it is.
You might believe that change takes a very long time to happen.
You might believe that to change something in your life, you peck away at it and eventually you’ll have want you want.
Or you might even believe that change isn’t possible.
It’s been our experience that change is possible and it happens in two ways:
1. Yes, it can take a long time to happen or
2. You can do things to create what we call “Instant Breakthroughs.”
You can create these “instant breakthroughs” in any area of your life but since our focus is on relationships…
We’ll tell you about some instant breakthroughs that are possible in your relationship.
Before we give you some ideas on how to do this, we’ll tell you what “instant relationship breakthroughs” are…
An instant relationship breakthrough is one moment when one or both of you in the relationship make a shift to do, say or act differently and there’s an opening, a sense of understanding or a feeling of connection and communion in the relationship that wasn’t there previously.
Even for a moment both people feel it.
To give you an idea of what we’re talking about, here are 2 “Instant Relationship Breakthroughs” that you can begin practicing right now to make your relationships even better…
Instant Relationship Breakthrough Idea #1
~ Make a definite “yes” or a “no”
We are all constantly making choices, either consciously or unconsciously, about how we will use our time, who we will be with, and what we will do.
All these decisions (or lack of decisiveness) positively or negatively affect our happiness.
When we don’t make a definite “yes” or “no,” we get stuck in “maybe” land and others decide for us by default how we’ll live our lives.
When people get stuck in “maybe” land, they tend to become angry and resentful but the fact is–THEY didn’t make a choice.
Here’s an example of what we’re talking about…
Imagine you and your partner or you and a friend decide to go to the local movie theater this Friday night. There are several possible choices of movies at your theater and you begin talking about what you’d like to see with your partner or friend.
Imagine that your partner or friend has a strong preference toward one movie and you’d really like to see another but you don’t say anything.
You give your partner or friend a weak, “maybe” or “I don’t care” and end up seeing the movie they wanted to see.
Later, you feel resentful and angry because your partner or friend is so “bossy,” you feel this always happens to you and you never get to see the movie that you want to see.
If you can relate, you may feel anger and resentment toward others but what you actually are feeling is resentment towards yourself for not having the confidence to go for what you really want.
It might feel “safer” to not express an opinion and let others decide for you but in the end, it really isn’t. A breakthrough moment is when you empower yourself and express what you want, giving a clear “yes” or “no” and expressing your desires in a loving way.
It may be that you end up seeing the movie your partner or friend wants to see but in the process of expressing your choice, you let the other person really “see” who you are.
You then have the opportunity to decide together what would be the most pleasurable use of your time.
You might even make a deal that you take turns picking the movies.
Whatever it is, there is choice.
Here’s a short technique we call “Yes or No” to help you make decisions from your heart and gut.
“Yes or No” is a way of discerning your emotions–a measurement tool for gauging what you’re feeling and making quicker decisions on how you want to run your life.
It also helps you to get unstuck.
So how do you know whether a decision you are faced with is a “yes” or a “no”?
1. When someone asks you to do something or a choice is before you, take a moment to quiet yourself and breathe.
2. Check in with how you are feeling inside.
To practice this, think of a definite “yes” in your life, something you are absolutely certain about.
It might be “I’m a great dancer” or “I’m a good cook” or even “I have green eyes.”
When you think of the “yes,” what do you feel inside your body?
Where do you feel it?
When there’s a “yes” for Otto, he feels a strength inside himself and a sense of expansion.
Now think of a definite “no” in your life. What does it feel like in your body?
When there’s a “no” for both of us, there’s a sinking and heaviness in our solar plexus and chest.
This feeling may be somewhere else for you and it might not be a sinking feeling or heaviness.
It might be a dull ache or feeling of being uncomfortable.
Whenever we are faced with a decision, if we take the time to go within, we can feel whether something is a “yes” or a “no.”
By doing this, we bypass the wishy-washy place of being stuck in “maybe.”
Bring This to All Aspects of Your Relationship and Life!
This doesn’t just apply to making decisions about which movie to see.
We invite you to do this exercise to help you be clearer in your communication on a regular basis about all the things in your life.
When you do, you will be clear about who you are and what you are feeling so there’s no chance of assumptions being created that get in the way of connecting with others.
Instant Relationship Breakthrough Idea #2
~~The power of making completions that have kept you from moving forward in your life and relationships. Most of us have an awareness of things that have been left unsaid that needed to be said or things that needed to be done that weren’t done.
If you need to do a completion about anyone or anything in your life, it can be a breakthrough moment for you and the other person.
Pam took one of our courses and told us later that she had made two completions that by doing them, she was moving forward to having what she wanted in her life.
She returned all of one man’s things that were left at her house, including a computer, several months after they had broken off their relationship
She also decided to break it off with a married man she’d been seeing every now and then for years.
These things from a former lover and the relationship that wasn’t going anywhere were holding her back from being with someone who could love her the way she wanted to be loved.
Completions aren’t always as dramatic as Pam’s but they always free up energy for something more wonderful and powerful in our lives.
On television the other day, we saw an interview with a couple who had been married 40 years. When asked how they kept their spark, they said that they never go to bed mad at each other.
That’s a great example of a completion–of not allowing resentments to build–of saying unsaid words that may be getting in the way of a great connection with your partner.
We all have ways we can make completions in our lives that will free up energy so that we can have what we want. Anything left unsaid is an incompletion.
Challenges or problems in the bedroom are almost always about unspoken truths, withheld emotions and incompletions.
Try these instant breakthroughs in your relationship and see what happens.
Instant breakthroughs work.
A change for the better can really happen in your relationship right now.
Susie and Otto Collins
From Sarah: All of the editors here at LoveRomanceRelationship were looking for a program for you that would help you SALVAGE a relationship – fix it when things go bad. The nuts-and-bolts of it. And we discovered that our “jealousy” experts – Susie and Otto Collins – wrote this incredible piece on how to tell a man about your upsets, your disappointment, your anger – WITHOUT making things worse – and, in fact – making things so much better that it feels like you have a new-found intimacy and a whole new relationship! The book is called “Stop Talking On Eggshells” – and as a woman who instinctively wants to walk and talk on eggshells with a man, this book is like magic for me. Go here if you want to learn – quickly – the exact way to talk to a man when there are big problems between you, in a way that can turn things around fast in your relationship–>>